Monday, February 29, 2016

The 100 Season Three Episode Five Recap

The 100 Season Three Episode Five: Hakeldama

Ding Dong, the Ice Queen is dead and let's begin this episode with a little recap.

We had some serious intrigue-ing and politic-ing and harpoon-ing in the last episode and now as it stands Queenie is the reigning Queen, Clarke is caught in the middle and the Sky crew are pulling some seriously stupid bullshit.

See, this is what happens when you elect a Rabble-Rouser to be your president-in-chancellor. Everybody dies. I have two minds about this plot development. Its seriously stupid writing. Its ridiculous to point of breaking all suspension of disbelief. Maybe, MAYBE if I squint sideways and glare reaaaal hard I can understand Bel/Sky Crew slaughtering off their allies because emotional pain or whatever but mostly? Its just stupid and a shitty move to push tension and Plot.

Well, let's roll with that. There are a number of people who oppose the random wholesale slaughter and Octavia is sent outside the camp to see what's going on. This seems like the perfect time to reintroduce an old favorite.

Our Original Evil Overlord has returned with great tidings! His follower gets gutted and killed in front of him and E.O. is just like, 'Its cool - Death is not the end!'

You know who else spouts that rhetoric? Cultists. And some religious folk; sometimes there IS a fine line between the two but in this case I'm calling E.O. batshit crazy until the Plot proves otherwise.

Speaking of which, what the heck is John and his Gal up to since escaping the clutches of E.O. ? Robbing... people in the road, apparently. Right. We'll come back to them.

While I do have problems with Octavia's character I wholeheartedly embrace the development of her character, as by the third season she's become a fierce smart young lady who is involved in the action. She makes it outside the camp and we see the horror that the Rabble-Rouser has brought. Like, EVERYBODY is dead and now tensions are rising inside the Ark. Lincoln is being repeatedly targeted for being an ex-grounder and finally something snaps and he's 'quarantined' and... did they MEAN to make a bunch of war-time allusions to actual U.S. history? Hm.

Well, this seems like the perfect time for Evil Overlord to gather new recruits for his cult, seeing as how the majority of them are already dead gone to the City of Lights. Poor suckers. Who should happen to wander by but Raven? Her leg has been getting worse, or rather, she's having trouble adjusting to being a cripple and won't rest her body or take the Docs advise and what a perfect moment for E.O. to step in and 'show her the way'.

By now Octavia has brought word to Queenie and Blondie about the slaughter and Queenie is all for slaughtering back. Clarke steps in and says I CAN FIX THIS (I'm seeing a theme here) and sneaks into the Ark camp.

Awww, Bel and Blondie reunited at last! Except, Bel is kind of off his rocker at the moment and puts a lot of blame and anger on Clarke for abandoning them. Understandable but Blondie is doing her best to keep everything from falling apart and does her damnedest to keep the oncoming slaughter of both sides from happening. Bel responds by handcuffing her to a chair. Wow, you know things are bad when Octavia agrees with Blondie and kicks the crap out of her brother to allow Clarke to escape.

Let's see, John gets captured when robbing Grounders backfires and nobody cares and

Clarke makes it back to Queenie who is all set for ANOTHER war, this time with the slaughter of the Sky folk. Ohhh, things look bad BUT - Queenie really is something because she might be the first Grounder in the history of Grounders who decides NOT TO KILL. Holy crap. I wonder how THAT will work out?

Let's end this episode with a focus on Raven, who is having a really rough time. As she plods through the mud and rain she considers her options, and out of desperation and misery chooses to take the little blue pill the Evil Overlord so helpfully handed to her earlier in the episode. NOOOO RAVEN!! Don't go down the rabbit hole! Drugs are not the answer-

Except when they are. They pain disappears, she's healed and-

AAGGHHHHH HAL 2000 shows up to steal her soul set her to work.

Tuesday, February 16, 2016

The 100 Season Three Episode Four Recap

The 100 Season Three Episode Four: Game of Watch the Thrones

Plots be plottin' in The 100. Let's start off this episode on a sort of jarring note:

Queenie is having her council and brings in... the Ice Queen? Like... wasn't the last time we saw her (literally at the last second of the last episode) she was 'mwa-huh-huhing' with the dude from Mt. Weather? And now she's a political prisoner? MMkay, I feel like we missed something in between episodes here but, sure, let's roll with that.

Queenie intends to bring justice and retribution for the slaughtered Skylanders and asks Clarke what they should do BUT OH SNAP! The Ice Queen turns it around and asks the Council to vote out Queenie. Apparently taking in Wanheda and the sky-folk was seen as an act of weakness (?!?) and Queenie's manhood is at question here. And let's take a small break to observe the continuing absurdity of the Grounders beef with the Skyfolk because it MAAKES NOOOO SEEENSEEE. Like, literally, the first thing the Grounders did was fucking IMPALE JASPER in the chest with a spear for the crime of... walking through a forest. The entire manufactured hostilities between the two forces MAKES NO SENSE. Especially when you consider they Sky Folk have preserved humanity's technology -in case it wasn't very clear civilization is defined by the technology we possess and in that case the Grounders are little better than caveman knocking two rocks together. Fucking idiots should be doing EVERYTHING in their power to make good with the folks who can literally bring humanity back from the brink.

But, no, let's STAB EVERYONE because REASONS. Good idea.

Anywhoo back to Game of Watch the Thrones. Since Queenie's manhood is on the line she has to FIGHT TO THE DEATH with the Ice Queen's chosen Champion - her son, Liam Neeson wannabe Prince whatshisname.

Clarke is getting good at this intrigue stuff - she goes straight to Prince Neeson trying to turn him against his plotting mother (there is NO WAY that woman is old enough to have a grown ass son like that, thanks Hollywood, for your ever-increasing terror of women with wrinkles) and while he initially refuses he turns around and goes 'weeeell, I can't kill her BUT YOU CAN'. Hmmmm.

Back at Skylander Central Bel and the folks are dealing with the fallout of having nearly forty people killed in a suicide mission. Tensions are pretty bad, there is a lot of hostility towards Grounders (ALL Grounders) and Lincoln is caught in the middle. Nothing good will come from that. Also

What the hell is Jasper doing? Like, why can't he just walk out of the compound like a normal person. We will commit a part of this episode to nonsensical Jasper antics that make me want to shove him over a cliff.

Our drunken hobo cupcake wanders back to the original site of the Teens and pukes venomous emotion all over his remaining and last friend, Monty. On one hand, this is a pretty good portrayal of someone who has been broken in half: writhing in self-loathing, full of barbs, venom, hatred and hurt - pushing away anything that might help. But its also self-destructive and Monty can take only so much so he leaves. On the other hand can someone please put another spear through Jasper already?

Blondie continues Intriguing, this time with the Ice Queen herself. She aaaalmost makes it but

Whoops, she just pisses off the Ice Queen more and we learn another tidbit about this new world: Nightblood. Which.... will probably be explained at some point in the season.

Back at Skylander Central Bel is having a nice chat with the Rabble-Rouser who has gotten increasingly.. vocal in the last episode. Bel is going down the path of Jasper, after having lost his Gal in the attack and is hurting and probably ain't thinking straight. Good thing Rabble-Rouser is here to inflame the pissed-offness of the people. He convinces Bel to unlock the door to the guns so they can have themselves a nice little shootout with the Grounders camped outside the base. Sounds like a GREAT plan!

aaand FIGHT!! I gotta admit, this entire scene was hella fun. At first it seems like Queenie is going to bite it but damn Queenie has got some MOVES and she kicks the crap outta Prince Neeson, who at this point is done with the world (and his mother)

who is doing her best impression of the worlds worst Tiger Mama, and is screaming at him to get up and fight. So what happens? In the greatest and grandest of Grounder traditions:

Queenie harpoons the SHIT out of the Ice Queen. Damn.

The crowd is stunned, Clarke is glad her Queenie is alive and Queenie shouts, 'LONG LIVE THE KING'. Ohhh Queenie got some politicin' moves of her own!

Of course it wouldn't be the 100 if we didn't leave the episode with a bit of a cliffhanger

Lincoln manages to be the wall between Bel and Stupid Decisions so the Grounder Slaughter was put off for a night. BUT! Rabble-Rouser got some moves of his own: he turns the Sky Folk against Markus and the Doc so now the Rabble-Rouser is the new Chancellor/Lord of the SkyFolk!!

Oh dear. In one fell swoop he undoes all the alliances Markus and Abby made with the Grounders and says, 'TO WAAAARRR!!!' Idiots. All of them.

Tuesday, February 9, 2016

The 100 Season Three Episode Three Recap

The 100 Season Three Episode Three: Ye Who Enter Here

Get ready for some serious political intriguing - this is the episode with plots within plots within plots. Lets get straight to it.

Queenie 'saves' Wanheda and proceeds to tell her she was at no fault for the Mt. Weather fallout - 'What would you have done?' and Clarke is understandably super pissed. Still. Oh, and Queenie asks her to join the Grounder club as the 13 Colony Coalition. Clarke just has to bow to her, in front of everyone, first. At least that option stays away from the cannibalism thing - no hearts required! Yay!

See, now here's the thing I don't get about Clarke (and some other characters who pulled this crap in earlier seasons). She says she left, she says she's out of it, she doesn't want to have anything to do with anyone and... okay? But in a world where literally everything and everyone is hostile WHAT THE HELL IS SHE GOING TO DO? Are you honestly telling me Clarke, cupcake from space, is happy living as Tarzen in this insane world, chasing down jaguars, ripping the throats of animals out with her teeth, rolling in the mud (and in the bed of random hot strangers)?? That just seems... stupid.

Well, with the capture of Wanheda comes a Summit (another Summit. Didn't we do a Summit and that Summit ended with a large bang that killed everyone in that particular Summit?) and that means the Skylanders and Grounders AND Ice Nation has to come together. So of COURSE that means intrigue and assassins and danger!

Idiots have gone back to Mt. Weather because they are idiots who ignore politicing. This scene is eerily familiar and somewhat foreboding. Teens Ect. drop off supplies at Mt. Weather, Bel leaves on a mission, Octavia turn-heel-flounces and Bel's Girl is inching her way towards death because I am TOTALLY CALLING THIS: she's going to die soon. They are WAY too happy - you know what that means.

Intriguing Point One:

Princey and Blondie high in a tower... doing intrigue. He apparently pulled a knife out of thin air and hid it under Clarke's pillow so she can murder Queenie. Sure, why not. Clarke has the extremely non-enviable position of being in the center of All Of It. She can murder Queenie, and take the chance that the little Prince will keep his word, and not slaughter her Skylander people. She can do nothing and let the two warring peoples kill each other. She can bow to Queenie and let her and her people be assimilated into the Grounders. All tough choices.

Queenie is doing some intriguing of her own; she's on the brink of war and the technology and knowledge of Clarke and her people would be a huge asset.

But what about the Ice Nation, you didn't think they were going to sit idly by? Here is Bel's old cage-mate from last season - an Ice Nation citizen who brings news of dismay and trouble to Bel and Team Teen. Trouble! Mayhem! There is going to be an assassination at the Summit! They can totally trust her - Bel freed her from a cage and that's a bond that lasts for life.

Meanwhile, will Clarke stab Queenie in the throat? Nnnnope. Clarke makes the decision to become a Grounder and therefore makes everybody from the Ark a Grounder too. They just might survive the coming war.

The Doc and Marcus are doing pretty good as Commander and Co-Commander. Marcus seems to have found his calling with this peace union/politicing schtick and Abby relents her position as Skylander Queen. Well, I guess that just leaves one thing:

One bowing Blondie. The Sky folk are now the thirteenth Grounder Clan.

But what's this!?:

An assassin lurking in the midst! This is one hot episode, I have to admit. The Summit is gathering, tensions are already high. Bel and Co. are slaughtering their way up an elevator shaft trying to reach the leaders in time to prevent the assassin. Marcus is initiated into the Grounder club via a branding iron and Bel crashes the party!! THEY'RE SAVED, HOORAHHH- wait, what?

Nnnnnope. Turns out Mr. Assassin's target was Mt. Weather this entire time. Raven is attempting to get the codes to the missile launching pad and sends Bel's Gal to the president's office to look for vital clues. Hooooo, CRAP. Mr. Assassin assassinates the ever-loving shit out of Bel's Gal AND I CALLED IT!!! True Love strikes again - remember kids, NEVER FALL IN LOVE because they will die tragically for plot.

For some reason Mr. Assassin has the launch code tattooed on his arm (what, too good for paper or a freaking pen? Do Grounders have pens? Why must everything they do be so dramatic?) and instead of launching a missile, like I thought was going to happen, he instead enters the self-destruct sequence which OF COURSE means everything is going to blow up because DRAMA. Let us all bask in the exceedingly disturbing frame of the last seconds of countdown through the eyes of Bel's Recently Deceased Gal.

Damn, this show is morbid on occasion.

Mt. Weather and those inside go BOOM.

Shit hits the proverbial fan back at the Summit and I think its safe to say they are now at war.

Let's end this episode with a look at the other side: the Ice Nation. Bel's Cage-mate has made it back to say yes, she successfully screwed with everyone and Ice Queen has the war she wants. But who is this?

No, seriously, who the hell is this? Like they call him the last surviving Mt. Weather doood but... I have no recollection of him. That explains how Mr. Assassin knew the codes though, eh?

Monday, February 1, 2016

The One Hundred Season Three Episode Two Recap

The One Hundred Season Three Episode Two: Wanheda Pt. 2

Last time we left off with a number of cliffhangers; Clarke was nabbed by a bountyhunter, Jasper is a crazy drunk hobo, trouble is a'brewin' on the Grounder front and Team Teens was caught in an ambush. Speaking of which, how long can a group of people wait in a hot smoldering car? Not that long. Time to take a looksee at what our ambushers are doing.

Waiting for an idiot to stick his head outside the armored vehicle, apparently. Are the Grounders ninjas or something? That is some serious shadow warrior shit right there. Well, until Monty gasps, 'MOM??' Yuuup, our first Da Fuk moment of this episode (and we're not even five minutes in!). Like, I don't mind the plot twist, as ridiculous as it was but it brings up some MAJOR plot holes we are going to explore for a moment. Ah hem.

So our Shadow Warrior Grounders are none other than one of the surviving groups of the Broken Ark, that somehow survived crash landing into earth (by aiming for a patch of snow, *SNORFFLELAUGH*). Allow me to apply some logic here. We're going to skate over the bizarre fact that somehow there is an armored vehicle that survived the crash, and that the lacking-spacious-room Ark in Space had (sorry) to have armored vehicles - I have two problems with this scenario. One: HOW? These cupcakes from space don't have the training to survive on earth and the crash would have destroyed or killed nearly everything on their side of the Ark. HOW did they become Shadow Warrior Grounders in the space of a few weeks??!?! Competent enough to ward off attacks from locals who have generations experience of survival and a murderous mentality???!?

That, just.. no, WHUT? NO! Too implausible for anyone to believe. Two: HOW MANY F(&*ING GROUNDERS HAVE AN ARMORED VEHICLE??!! Can you imagine those idiots cruising around in an assault vehicle? (actually I can, and the movie is called Mad Max but I digress) NO! Didn't they have an allergic reaction to all forms of technology? So our genius Vegetation (or whatever) Ex Arkers somehow failed to conclude that their own people are driving around in the car, and then decided to set an ambush, and then behave REALLY HOSTILE towards them until they went 'LOL JUST KIDDING we're actually your friends/family LOL'. yeah, no. Suspension of disbelief broken.

Crap, sorry - I promised myself to be more concise with these recaps but obviously stupid plot holes piss me off. Right. Anyhow.

Its just another lovely day in Insanity The City of Light (TM) as the Original Overlord takes his pet HAL on a walk. I.. I'm really not understanding where this plot line is heading. I appreciate the weirdness (and science-fiction-y) aspect of it but... its just bizarre. I'm assuming there will be huge REVELATIONS at the end of this season which will tie into season four when HAL goes bad but for now its just.. whut.

We are seeing a repeating plot point in these first two episodes which spells out the major conflict for season three: The Ice Nation. Winter War is coming, and I get the feeling the Arkers are going to struggle against it until they no longer have a choice and will join forces with the Grounders in a glorious battle-alliance.

Coming back to Clarke we see her being led hands tied together by her captor. Until she plays dead and then tries to drown the fucker in the river. It doesn't work but at least she's blonde again and I can go back to calling her Blondie.

Octavia and McHottyAbs - oh, who am I kidding. I couldn't care less about them and what they contribute to the plot.

Can I add there are WAY too many plot threads going on and its getting hard to concentrate on who is doing what, and what the hell is going on at any given time? Okay. Jasper is still a passive-aggressive little shit and the Teens sure like ripping Abby a new one; that's the second time they (the Teens) have spit back in her face when the good Doc was just trying to help them. Here we have the Grounder/Doc plot thread; where one of the Grounders (McAbberston's friend, I can't remember his name) has a lethal wound and only the Mt. Weather technology can save him. BUT going back to Mt. Weather can be seen as an aggressive move that might cause factions of the Grounders to rise up and start war all over again. Not that it matters because it seems like that's their natural state of being anyhow but for the sake of tension, let's go with that.

Team Teens is hot on the trail of Clarke and they save the Trader Gal just in the nick of time to realize CLARKE'S IN DANGER! Clarke's Bounty Hunter Buddy is turning out to be an interesting person. A Grounder with a Conscious?? Unheard of! He goes all Liam Neeson on the Ice Nation dudes who want Clarke.

I want to take a moment to talk about a couple of aspects of The 100 that are pretty impressive. (Yes, I'm talking about Liam's abs up there.) I find the reverse fan service fascinating in this show. All the main male actors have abs that can cut paper like a knife BUT the women, while beautiful, aren't sexified within an inch of their lives like the majority of entertainment out there. They don't have GARGANTUAN breasts barely contained by a strip of cloth, there are NOT lovingly panned shots of tits n' asses and I would even go so far as to say that this show is kinda meant for women. We have bi-sexual ladies, we have lesbian ladies, we have ladies in positions of power WHO REMAIN COMPETENT AND IN POSITIONS OF POWER. Unheard of! And kind of awesome.

The second point I wanted to make was the reversal of roles. Fridged Women are terribly common in straight-white-doood entertainment because MAN PAIN, right? Especially mothers - every time a mother makes an entrance either within the current story line or in a flashback I usually cringe because you KNOW they are going to be killed off because MAN PAIN and REVENGE. But not in The 100. Monty's MOM survives and is a badass. And also make a note that Monty's Dad died a hero saving children, NOT as a trope for MAN PAIN or to move along the (straight, white) male's story. Two things worth noting.

Just as Team Teens closes in on Clarke an inconvenient Ice Nation war party shows up between the two (why was there a war party there? How did no one HEAR this war party? How do you miss hundreds if not THOUSANDS of people marching across the distance?) so Team Teen hides in a cave and waits for the war party to go party elsewhere.

Weeell, Bel ain't having any of that. He steals the dead Ice Nations bounty hunters clothes and walks his way through the war party towards Clarke. I love the fact that Bel, inside a crowded tiny cave, took his clothes off, stripped the corpse, put the clothes on and then redressed the corpse in his own clothing without anybody noticing. Corpses being notoriously uncooperative when it comes to, you know, MOVING WITHOUT BEING SUPER AWKWARD BEING DEAD AND ALL.

And we bring back a favorite of The 100 - Cauterizing EVERYTHING like Liam Neeson is doing there. I can't even- whut. Not even remotely how the real world (and medicine) works so I won't even get into it.

Bel finds Blondie and Reunion! Knives! Fighting! Explosions! Not really but Bel sucks at this rescue business and gets himself stabbed.

Wanheda is delivered! Oh No! Is this the end of Blondie!? Are you ready for a plot twist?

BAM!!! The Steampunk Queen is back, with a gear glued on it. So whats-her-face Clarkes soul-sister/lover/betrayer wanted Clarke (I guess?) and kind of/sort of rescued her from being cannibalized by the Ice Nation. McHotty Neeson over there? Is a freaking prince who wants back into the Grounder club, and wrangled Clarke as an entrance fee.

Understandably Clarke goes a little apeshit since Ms. Steampunk left her high and dry last season and is dragged away screaming.