Where were we? I think the entire season two plotline was just Grounders, Arkers and the Mt. Weather Norman Rockwell Cultists all trying to get along. Ha! No, just kidding - everyone was trying to kill everybody else. There was a brief alliance with the Grounders which failed hilariously and the Norman Rockwell Cultists all died from radiation poisoning. Some of the Grounders dig the new (old?) technology the Arkers can share, some of the other Grounders just want to... I don't know, stick the Arkers heads on a pole and dance around naked or something and the surviving Arkers are finally getting a leg up in this new world.
Clarke strolled off into the sunset. Jasper loses his One True Love. Octavia and McDelishAbs ... I can't remember what they were up to. The Original Overlord of the Ark and John wander off to find the
Shining the City of Lights which then leads John (was that his name?) to find himself in Dirk Pitt's personal bunker eating crackers and whiskey. Oh and the Original Evil Overlord finds a mansion with HAL in a red dress AND A BOMB. That will end well.
We start off this episode with John. John is locked inside the bunker. This is John after a couple of months in isolation. He's having fun.
Just kidding. He hasn't bathed in weeks, he's supporting the theory that white people can't wear dreadlocks, and he's about thirty seconds away from killing himself but, no, haha the Plot wouldn't let that happen and John gets a Last Second Reprieve as the door locks ( THE DOOR LOCKS, ELLIE, PUT UP THE DOOOOR LOOOCKS) unlock themselves just as he's given up all hope. huh.
John toddles along and finds the
Shining the Mansion and a clean and nutty Original Overlord ready to carry John bridal-fashion into the arms of soap, shampoo and bic razors. Can we take a moment for an appreciation of Technology that apparently lasts for over a century - a camcorder that is still functioning 80 + years later, clothing, food and razors that have all withstood the jaws of time. Truly marvelous.
But what about everyone else?
Ohhh and in THIS corner we get half-naked, semi-homoerotic nekked fisticuffs with McAbserton and Bel. Who loses. Who wants to wrestle the sweaty nekkid guy next? Looks like things are going well at the Ark. Or, the part of the Ark that - crap, what was their little village called? Anyway, Bel has found his niche as Leader for the Young People and he fills it well. He's got himself a girl, things have been looking good these last three months, no attacks no nothing except -
Something is going on over at Sector Seven. Time to send out the troops. The troops in this case being Bel and the Gang. Ah, what three months can do - Jasper is now that one crazy hobo who pisses on your stoop and starts fights with the garbage man. Let's take him with us on the mission! Good idea!
The gang's all here - Team Teen UNITE! Or, you know, let's just go on a road trip with that really annoying (and vaguely problematic) Violent Femmes song (Add It Up). Another win for Technology that survived for over a 100 years, and ignoring how bizarre it would be for Teens to be interested in music from over a century ago. It would be like today's Teens getting their rock on with Bill Murray's Pretty Baby. Just. Weird.
So Jasper is not only a drunk fool, but a dangerous suicidal drunk fool who nearly gets everybody killed. I kinda wished someone had shoved him over a cliff two seasons ago. Oh well.
So the Grounder dudes mentioned, briefly before getting killed, that the Arkers (and hell, everyone) are searching for a 'Wanheda'. Which is either a tropical disease or a mythical beast, take your pick. Well, close enough - Wanheda is actually Clarke's new nickname and speaking of Clarke -
Does this mean I can't call her Blondie anymore? And, wha- whut? What the hell? In three months Clarke has become like a crazy cat-owning bag-lady. Does being Jungle Woman mean you can't bathe? I mean, I guess I get dying your hair because how many Grounders (or anyone in Dystopian Future) have blonde hair? And having blonde hair would make you way easier to spot in a forest but... CLARKE, COME ON - I can smell you through the television screen!!
Ugh, okay. So Clarke is now the mythical creature Wanheda - kill her and you get her
lucky charms magical powers . Time to get Team Teens out there looking for her. Meanwhile, there's still just as much passive-aggressive sniping from the teens at the crashed Ark as you would expect. Octavia is snippy with her McGriddleAbs and Raven is pulling the I'm Too Proud to do Life-Saving Surgery and Jasper is still a Hot Mess but that's boring. What's Clarke doing asides from wrestling mountain lions?
Engaging is risky (one would think - smelly, DO GROUNDERS BATHE??) hawt sex with the trader post gal. I will admit an interesting role-reversal for Clarke's character. The lone wanderer and sexy gets-all-the-ass role usually goes to the straight white doods in television so its interesting to see Clarke engage in this role. Speaking of elicit teen sex - Octavia and McHotGriddles make up as he gets rid of the Symbolic Arker Jacket and apparently Octavia prefers to sleep on the cold, hard ground instead of on an actual bed in the Ark. Will they stay or will they go?
Back at the
Shining the Mansion, John is playing coy with the Original Overlord and refuses to join his cult until the power of boners is relevant here as well. Do we know who this girl is? I have no recollection of her. Well, anyway - its a happy family outing with John, the Original Overlord and his new HAL-in-a-red-dress. They're off to see the City of Lights.
Let's wrap up this episode with Clarke flitting off into the night and getting caught and our Grounder/Team Teen front is ambushed while driving around in their car. Wait. How did they get a car?