Monday, January 5, 2015

The 100 Season Two Episode Five Recap

Episode Five: Human Trials

I see we're continuing the 'everybody dies' theme of the first season, so I guess, don't get too attached to any particular character? Oh, and to recap: the world ended and now the fate of humanity is the hands of teenagers, sort of.

Previously, Blondie made it out of her captivity mostly unscathed only to be shot by her own people (don't worry, it's a just a flesh wound) but first season's Perpetually Pissed Off who has the most amazing case of resting Bitch Face I've ever seen has gone and bit the dust. Too bad, she was growing on me.

Anywho, everybody thinks Blondie is a Grounder because of the clothing and the matted clump of dirt she's become running around the woods Predator style. They continue to treat her not so nicely until Doctor Mama, through the power of parental love, recognizes her daughter through five pounds of mud. Someone get that poor girl a bath please.

Meanwhile Jasper has stepped right into Intrigue as the president of the Norman Rockwell Club sadly informs him that Blondie done gone run away, and maybe it would be in his best interest to go and get her back. Now, this is ...strange. Why are they so desperate to get her back? She knows all their dirty little secrets, she doesn't trust them and sending Jasper after her will only increase the chances of her persuading him to turn against the Mount Weather people. Not to mention losing the sheep-like complacency the 48 are currently presenting. Hmm.

Also we have Team Grounder Alliance with their freshly caught Grounder ready to lead the way to peaceful victory *laughsnort* The new Evil Overlord is seriously a Dumbass Evil Overlord, I can smell failure even from waaay back from the beginning of the episode. But we'll come back to that later.

New Clarke is freshly bathed and horrifically covered in nasty wounds; damn girl, you are a SCRAPPER. She's had a night's rest so she's ready to get back up and charge even though Doctor Mama is horrified by the thought of sending her kid back out into the dangerous world (which makes you wonder why she sent her there to begin with). Blondie does not appreciate coddling.

Yay! Adorable reunion as you see the impossible; Blondie and Bel are suuuuper happy to see each other and fly into one another's arms (and oh DEAR GOD PLEASE don't tell me another banal romance is in the works??)

But where is Finn? Still looking for Blondie and is poised to attack a Grounder camp for information. Except this camp is full of old women and children and Finn is still doing his best impression of I'm Crazy and Murderous! and decides to go ahead with killing everyone. Damn, you know things are bad when the Hyena is a more sympathetic character than Finn.

McHotAbs is still a lab experiment complete with Dandy looking dude shooting him up with some kind of drug.

The Arc Community have completely screwed themselves over by shooting the ONE GROUNDER in the entire region that doesn't want to outright kill them. Oops. Doctor Mama is calling the shots and she's determined to treat the Teens like coddled children and is pulling another fucking Trope of: Parents Don't Know Anything and Only Children Can Save Us. Getting kind of old. It actually would have been more interesting if Doc Mama had acknowledged her daughters ability to survive as a warrior and let them go and get Finn back BUT Doc Mama tells the B & B team to shut up and let her coddle them and they are NOT to leave the camp to find Finn so OF COURSE they are going to leave and find Finn.

Our remaining 100 at the Arc Community come together to form TEAM FINNPOSSIBLE!!! Go get em' kiddies.

Jasper is gearing up to go and get Blondie back (doing that...how exactly? When everything is out to KILL you in the outside world and Jasper is the equivalent of a floppy golden retriever puppy with four left legs?)

But just as he is getting ready to go his girlfriend Cleaning Girl comes to throw herself at him and NO NO, IT'S TOO DAAAAANGEROUS!! and mysteriously the bunk room has a contamination leak, putting her in mortal peril. Jasper to the rescue!! His magic anti-radiation blood will save her! How heroic! How suspicious! Gee, I wonder who's pulling the strings?

To save his nubile girlfriend he agrees to trade blood with her while Engineering kid senses something amiss and pulls out the OH NO YOU DON'T pose. He plops himself right down and gives them a LOOK.

Finn has made his move by setting the Grounders food supply on fire and in the chaos takes a hostage. This is going to end WELL, I can tell right now.

McLicketyAbs is still being tortured oh, and lOOK! He has a new admirer in the Dandy. I can't blame you Dandy, that is a fine set of abs, seeing how Lincoln spends most of his time in a semi-nude state I think the writers agree too.

Doc Mama finds out her little baby has done the runner and confronts Raven with a slap. Raven offers sympathy in the form of 'she stopped being a kid when you sent her down here to die' and OHHHH SNAAAP!!! Harsh, Raven.

So back with the Grounder Alliance Team - Dumbass Overlord sends home his fully armed team and wanders into enemy territory alone WITHOUT WEAPONS. So his pet Grounder kicks the crap out of him and drops him down a hole. Hark! A noise! Who is it?! IT'S AN EVIL OVERLORD REUNION!!

Things are looking bad for Ab-o-Rama as the Dandy sets up his own homoerotic man fight as two nearly naked men wrestle each other, allowing the winner to receive one dose of whatever the hell is in that needle. Lincoln wins!! Yayyyy....

And we find out who the Dandy is; apparently the leader of the Psychopathic Scientist League, which includes doctor lady who hooked Jasper up and of course the President of the Norman Rockwell Club. They have their own little Psychopathic Scientist League meeting in the hallway to discuss their findings.

Using Jasper (and eventually the 48) as a guinea pig was successful! Yay! Dandy is creating super soldiers and the President gives the OK to experiment on our remaining 100 48.

Let's end this episode with a little Finn. Finn who has rounded up the Grounders into a pen and is ransacking the camp looking for Blondie and Co.

It's pretty obvious that nobody is there and even the GROUNDERS are like, wtf dude? Ain't none of your friends here. But Finn has the Crazy Eyes going on and as some dumbass Grounder makes a sudden move FINN GUNS HIM DOWN!!

Does it end there? NO! He goes on a mass shooting rampage and Grounders fling themselves at him like suicidal trout, and before you know it he's massacred nearly everyone.

Whoops, team Finnpossible heard the gunshots and come to find a scene of HORROR while Finn is all like, OH HAI I JUST SLAUGHTERED A BUNCH OF PEOPLE BECAUSE... REASONS!! and he's crazy now, apparently.

Blondie is horrified and Finn is creepy with his, 'GIVE ME A HUUUUUUG, YOU ARE ALLIIIIIIVE' and Blondie is all OH HELL NO. Seems like a good place to end it.

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