So this last episode was something of a mess; plots zigging and zagging every whichaway and so we start off THIS episode with…
The feeling I’ve somehow mistakenly put on Tank Girl instead of The 100. It’s a … vast post-apocalyptic desert. In America. On the East Coast. Defying geology, atmosphere and logic, somehow. We’ll just roll with that.
Rando scavenger in the desert doing his scavenger thing when, what do we see!? What is this? Could it be?
ORIGINAL EVIL OVERLORD IS ALIIIIIVE.
I guess in the episode I missed he decided to hurl himself through earth’s atmosphere and somehow didn’t die.
We’ll go with that. He doggedly clings to his one chess piece that apparently made the trip with him because SYMBOLISM. Rando Scavenger REALLY WANTS THAT CHESS PIECE but E. Overlord clings to it like a lifeline. It’s HIS chess piece, dammit.
Blondie is being towed still through forest and gale, and wow – the Mount Weather Team Capture is surprisingly competent; they find Blondie and Perpetually Pissed in a heartbeat. Hmmm.
And Team Find Blondie is still looking for Blondie. And Finn is still more than a little unhinged as they tromp through forest as well. They don’t find Blondie but they DO find a neat trail of dead bodies lining the path.
What’s with the trail o’ bodies?
It’s what’s left behind of one of the Arc’s that DIDN’T make it, I guess – though a LITTLE realism would have been nice. In that advent of an airline(?) disaster I don’t think that the bodies would be virtually unmaimed and lined up so neatly along the pathway. That’s just…weird because I was thinking these people were marching somewhere and dropped along the way, NOT ‘oh, airline disaster, those most be people from the Arc!’ confusing, see?
Team Find Blondie is about to move out when hark! We hear a faint voice. Someone is alive!
They run to find… some random girl clinging to the side of one vast cliff face.
There is not enough WTF in the world for this scenario.
HOW DID SHE GET THERE!?!
There is no rope, it’s a SHEER CLIFFSIDE, and she is hanging onto the only scraggly tree on the entire cliff wall that is HUNDREDS of feet away from solid ground. She did this without GEAR? WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Bel swings into full SAVE THE PEOPLE mode and unsurprisingly Finn goes, ‘dawg, we don’t have TIME for this’
But as it turns out the Redshirt in the group miraculously knows Cliffhanger Girl and leaps to the rescue, to Finn’s dismay.
I also find it interesting that Finn is fully willing to toss someone to their death in order to find Blondie and Co. whom at this point they don’t even know if they are alive at all. I’m also not liking the complete 180 turn in his character, who was portrayed to us as super compassionate, peace-loving, thou-shall-not-kill. There is no reason for this turnabout.
The Arc Community has their electric fence up, Raven is alive but unable to use her leg and our Original Evil Overlord is offered…. a root/bug soup.
Aw, E. Overlord has been adopted by the Rando Scavenger kid, wait no – the parents disapprove of their child’s pet choices and drag his injured ass off the cot and tell him to get lost.
Blondie is still hostaged and Perpetually is backseat kidnapping; she’s nonstop bitching about how LOUD Blondie is, she SMELLS, she has no wood craft ect. ect. We’ll get back to them in a moment.
Team Find Blondie apparently missed some crucial rope tying lessons because that rope that’s holding the Redshirt? Is starting to come apart. I think I can guess what’s going to happen.
Ho, yup – there goes our Redshirt while Cliff Girl still clings to her tree with the whole, ‘I’m slipping, help me!!’ schtick, when seriously, HOW DID YOU EVEN GET UP THERE?!?
Team Find Blondie mashes together a makeshift ‘rope’ out of wreckage from the Arc and tries the whole rescue thing again, this time with Bellamy on the line so you KNOW they’ll make it this time around. But doing a simple rescue would be BORING so what happens?
The ‘rope’ comes undone AGAIN and the Hyena manages to grab onto the broken end while Finn and… Redshirt # 2 heave from behind.
Then Grounders attack.
Then the Horn sounds, meaning that acid rain thing from season one is coming back.
Except not, because suddenly Octavia pops up and is like, I HAVE RETUUURNED.
Is it me or is the plot a little…flimsy?
Meanwhile Blondie and Perpetually are still being chased, despite their best efforts. Perpetually Pissed has now had enough of dragging around Blondie because she figures it’s all her fault and SMASH IT WITH A ROCK!!
Brilliant. Except Blonde figures out someone has a tracker inside them (yup, Perpetually does) and if Perpetually would just hold still a moment, Blondie will remove –
NOPE, NO NEED, I’LL JUST RIP IT OUT WITH MY FUCKING TEETH.
Hardcore man. Except for, you know, MASSIVE bacterial infections that may lead to possible death because you’ve slapped mud on yourself, have been rolling around in a forest and you just fucking bit out a chunk of your arm without cleaning it, or binding it, OR ANYTHING.
Soo, yay – no more Mount Weather tag-team?
Blondie has decided she’s had enough and is sneaky with her, ‘oh, let me bind your wound- HA I DRUG YOU WITH A DART!! YOU’RE MY PRISONER NOW, BITCH!!’
I like how the writers completely ignore smashing peoples heads with rocks uuuusually leads to death, serious brain injury and at the very least concussion (which leads to incapacitating behavior. But we’re just going to ignore that because it’s too realistic.)
Team Find Blondie splits up and is now Team Siblings while Finn hands over a hilarious simplistic map and says, GO HERE. I’d love to see a real life survival group try and use that map to navigate the landscape. Blondie drags Perpetually (facepalm FACEPALM, WHEN THE HELL DID SHE CONSTRUCT A STRETCHER WHEN SHE CAN’T EVEN MASK HER PRESENCE IN THE WOODS?!) but apparently NOBODY knows how to tie a goddamned knot properly because Perpetually leaps up out of her drug-induced coma with nary a side-effect, slips off the rope on her hands without a problem and FIGHT!!
BLONDIE VS PERPETUALLY
BLONDIE WINS!! And Perpetually Pissed is all ‘I acknowledge you as a fine warrior, you may drag me around again’
They’ve come back to the original base camp for the Teens, but as you may recall it was a little blown up last season so there’s nothing left. Doctor Mama’s note has been washed away, but no worries because the Arc Town has conveniently sent up a hot air balloon to let eeeeeveryone know EXACTLY where they are.
So that’s where Blondie will drag her next.
The Security Chief over at Arc Town is the only person with a goddamned working brain because she shoots down the balloon and says “ARE YOU STUPID!!?” (yes) then mans the stations with orders to shoot anybody who approaches Arc Town.
Meanwhile the Scavenger people changed their minds about keeping their child’s pet and the Evil Overlord makes himself a new mutated friend. For about five minutes.
Scavenger Mama is all, here – have some bug soup oh, and, I TOTES SOLD YOU OUT FOR A HORSE, HAHA!
It’s a happy ending for everyone; the scavengers get their horse to get out of the ‘dead zone’, Evil Overlord gets to make some more head-bashing friends, and we get to know the locals on the eastern coast of the post-apocalyptic US.
Let’s end this episode with Blondie and Perpetually who FINALLY come to a bloody truce and agree that they have a mutual enemy with the Mount Weather people. Blondie frees Perpetually and tells her to go back and gather her people for war wheeeenn, yea no.
The Arc Town soldiers shoot them both.
Blondie gets a flesh wound but Perpetually ain’t so lucky. She’s dead.