Hooooly crap, it's been a long time since we've recapped The 100 and it's already eight (?) episodes in? Goody, this should be fun.
The world has ended and now the fate of humanity is in the hands of teenagers. Hooooly crap, it’s been a long time since I’ve done a review on this series. I wish someone would have warned me that the second season was starting because now I’m like, SIX episodes behind.
Right. Okay. What the hell happened last season?
Er. Right. War with the Grounders, Blondie and Ect. got kidnapped by men in white coats and now she’s locked up in that stupid Weather Mountain or whatever it was they were looking for waaaay back in the first episode.
Oh. And the Arc came crashing down out of space.
Blondie has been chilling in her White Room for… a while now. She peers out the one window in the door and spies someone in a hazmat suit cleaning the room where…aw, crap, what was his name? One her friends previously occupied.
There has been no communication, no nothing since she has been brought there and Blondie has had enough.
She stages a one-woman revolt by breaking that window (cutting herself in the process) and taking the cleaning lady hostage.
No, literally, the person in the suit is some mopey faced teenage chick who freaks out when Blondie shoves a glass shard into her throat and orders her to get her out of here.
Aw, making friends already.
They make a fun voyage through tunnels and elevators all the while her hostage is blathering about contamination and they run into…?
Someone’s birthday party in a time warp, apparently.
Blondie stands there, staring, agape as people sit and eat and look like they stepped out of a Norman Rockwell painting until one of them spies the bleeding blonde girl with the hostage and screams “CONTAMINATIOOONNNN!!!!”
Uh oh, that doesn't bode well.
Meanwhile, Bellamy runs through the woods.
I guess not everybody was kidnapped by white men in suits?
And we have Octavia who was stuck with an arrow and- PPPFFFTT AHAHAHAHAHA OH GOD I FORGOT!!! Mr. Abs pulls out the cauterization to ‘heal’ her. Oh GOD, SPASM, LAUGHTER SPASM, I forgot this fucking show uses burning flesh to cure all ailments. Deep breaths, okay, whew. Oh, and she’s poisoned. Of course.
Raven is still shot and the Hyena crawls in to die with her because IRONY. Also 'I don't want to die alooone.' Stupid Hyena.
Blondie is recaptured and is now tied to a bed and we learn that the Normal Rockwell subterranean people are assholes.
Mopey hisses and spits at Clarke that, ‘IN ANOTHER TEN MINUTES WE WOULD HAVE RELEASED YOU’
Which made me laugh my ass off because WTF!? Why didn’t you TELL HER THAT or have ANY COMMUNICATION AT ALL FROM THE MOMENT YOU FUCKING KIDNAPPED HER?!?
So yea, we’re not going to trust the Normal Rockwell Groupies.
The Norman Rockwell Groupie President arrives with Sad Face and bullshit, claiming he ‘saved’ Blondie and her friends but hey, they all have very nice clothes. They share pretty clothes with Blondie who promptly breaks off the heel of a stiletto to presumably hide so she can stab someone later.
Yay, and there is scientifical BS and fluff about ‘absorbing’ radiation and everybody from space is immune (SO not how radiation and science works) and REUNION!!
Everybody is dressed nicely and Jasper is a like a big gangly golden retriever slobbering over everything, while Blondie is like WHAT THE EVER LOVING HELL IS GOING ON!?
Bell and the others are running after FINN who got kidnapped by the only Grounder who did NOT get fried in the flash bomb fire from last season.
Octavia is tripping and
The 48 are enjoying the high life and eating CAKE while Blondie memorizes the map she was given by the Normal Rockwell Welcoming Committee.
DON’T DO IT JASPER, THE CAKE IS A LIE!!!
Bell’s plan to rush in heroically fails hilariously while he gets the ever-loving SHIT kicked out of him while the Redshirts watch from the bushes.
And they LEAP HEROICALLY TO THE RESCUE…. And they..
Annnnd they…. Watch him get captured THEN LEAP HEROICALLY TO THE RESCUE when the crash Arch survivors show up with guns and blow away the Grounder dude, saving everyone.
Yaaay. Evil Overlord in Training is aaliiiiive.
Octavia makes an awkward scarf for McHotty.
Super tension between teens and adults as they tell the little Lord of the Flies survivors that they can go back to being kids now that adults are here. You know, forget about the last year of scraping survival off of rocks, being brutally murdered by the locals, drugs, alcohol and betrayal JUST FORGET ALL THAT and let the adults take it from here.
Doctor Mama finds Raven barely breathing and Bell leaps upon the Hyena with savagery to be pulled off by Evil Overlord in Training who claims he’s ARRESTING Bellamy. Yeah, okay.
WE ARE NOT SAVAGES, he claims.
Oh, I’d give it a week before he revises that statement.
Blondie tries to escape but is arrested too. Troubled teens, eh? The President and she share a squishy moment of art lovin’ and he tells her there were no other survivors (LIAR LIAR, PANTS ON FIRE) and that she should just try to live peaceably amongst the Norman Rockwell Groupies.
The Arc survivors and teens head back to basecamp where Evil Overlord in Training becomes just the Overlord and Doctor Mama carves a message to Clarke at the camp, in case she should find it.
Mr. President sends along some art supplies to Clarke, trying to buy her affection but Blondie ain’t no dummy – she uses the supplies to make a colorful guide to all known exits of the underground base.
Original Evil Overlord is still alive and talking to himself. Oxygen deprivation I suppose. What’s this!?! IN THE DISTANCE A BABY WAILS!! Some bastard mofo left their baby on board. WILL THE EVIL OVERLORD FIND THE WILL TO LIVE!?