Monday, July 21, 2014

Attack on Titan Episode 5 Recap

Right off the bat, let’s start with some disclaimers. THIS IS NOT FOR CHILDREN, NOR THE SQUIMISH. I know, I know – you’re a paragon of steely resolve, your sinews are made from Wolverines cigar gristle and are Ford tough. Congratulations. HOWEVER, this is an anime that is brutal right out of the gate. That’s what makes it so interesting; this is a world where humanity is on its last leg and the audience is left on the edge of their seats hoping that SOMEBODY is going to survive.

Obviously major spoilers, we will be looking at the series in depth, poking at nooks and crannies and looking at characters and plot and why AoT has gained such insane popularity. There will be cursing, there will be blood. Some of the screen caps may be graphic (I will actually try to not and be too graphic with them, I don’t know who is looking at my blog).

Attack on Titan is a unique and phenomenal story which includes many elements; fantasy, mystery, politics, military campaigns, camaraderie, sacrifice and hope. If you can get past the brutal nature of the narrative its worth watching. All right, let’s get into it:

Attack on Titan Ep. 5 First Battle/Attack on Trost


Previously on Sucks to Live in Ye Olde Medieval World,

Eren stupidly tempted Fate and Fate responded with a bitch slap in the form of a 60 meter monster that promptly wiped out a portion of the front wall protecting the city (town?) of Trost.

Said right-hand-of-Fate bitch slapper then took out the cannons and other defensive weapons on the wall, denoting intelligence in a creature previously thought to be a mindless baby-eating thing. Freaky stuff. What the hell are the Titans?

Well that’s a question that hasn’t been answered to date, even with the continuing progress of the manga.

Eren is quite the little psycho trooper and isn’t put off at all by something that is literally over a hundred times his size. He’s up, he’s at em’ he does his damndest to kill it when – POOF!

Now you see im’ now you don’t. The case of the disappearing Titan.

Eren is just as befuddled, but no time for that. The Titans are coming.

With an impending repeat of five years ago looming over the town, everybody drops what they are doing and evacuates as the military force gathers its soldiers for battle.

With the reality of the Titans invading, and inevitable battle (and death, horrible horrible death that will find you being eaten alive) sinks in as the soldiers realize that barely out of training they will be expected to defend the town.

Naturally, they do not handle this well. Especially when the commanding officer gives a speech that basically says, ‘Yeah, you’re all gonna die, but you do so WITH HONOR. P.S. – anybody who deserts his or her regiment will be shot’

Armin is one of those cadets who is terrified, but mostly because he’s too smart for his own good and realizes that they currently do NOT possess the technology to repair the wall in time to prevent an invasion. Basically, right now, their chances of survival are dwindling into the single digit numbers.


Eren unleashes the Power of Fanaticism and goes, ‘Yo, what you worrying about, bro? We TRAINED for this, we totes got it in the BAG. No worries.’

And everybody believes Crazy Eren and stands up to fight valiantly. That should work out well.

The Trio is separated into the groups they trained with; Eren and Armin remain together, while Mikasa, as the number one ranked soldier, is taken to the defensive lines to protect the citizens.

Mikasa has her own breakdown (extravagant for her as she nearly makes a face) not because of facing her own mortality, but because she’s worried about Eren (though to give her credit, she’s probably right to worry about Eren – wonder boy has the survival instinct of a suicidal mayfly)

Let’s take a small break from the perspective of lowly cadets and civilians and raise our awareness to the King of Ye Olde Medieval World.

He is currently playing chess with General Pixis; Grand Mother-Fucking Strategist of Ye Old Medieval World (GMFS for short).

The Monarchy is about what you could expect; the King is lazy, ineffectual, self-obsessed, gluttonous and basically someone you hope gets his head ripped off sometime in the near future. He literally says ‘I don’t give a shit about other people’s lives, so long as my own is comfortable’

The news breaks, and General Pixis takes off to defend Trost, the King whimpering and sniveling onto the General’s jacket as the Generals gives him the Hand. The Man has better things to do, fool.

Eren and his squad are deployed and his fantastic crazy-ass Fanaticism has worn off on everybody else. Take a good look at our redshirts because it’s about to get ugly.

The Titans have come and we have a little flashback explaining what we currently know about them and let me tell you; it ain’t much.

The Titans cannot communicate (will not? Are not able?), they mostly do not seem to have intelligence, cannot reason, cannot speak.(which brings up the Colossal Titan and Conspiracy) They have no sexual organs, cannot reproduce and yet hundreds keep appearing. How they do so is unknown.

They have abnormally high body temps (like, boil a teakettle kind of high) they have survived a century without eating humans therefore it must be assumed they do not NEED to eat to survive, therefore their insatiable ‘hunger’ for humans must mean they exist to destroy humans. They do not go after any other life form. They are extremely hard to kill; they regenerate within minutes, even taking off the head of one won’t kill it.

The only vulnerable spot on a Titan is the small section located on the back of the neck, hence the soldiers gear.

Titan 101 is over, let’s get to the fight.

Poor bastards.

Eren’s squad leaps into the fray – oops. Redshirt number one is suckled down like an oyster from its shell. Goodbye Thomas, we barely knew anything about you. Eren goes into Berserk Mode and charges after the Titan that ate Thomas. Eren is the Hero, right? The Main Protagonist and a Male in a Shounen series; that must mean his Power of Rage will give him the ability to –


One of the freaky leaping-frog Titans catches his leg midair and takes it off as Eren eats roof tiles.

DAY-UM, so much for fanaticism.

The squad is decimated in moments and can I also interject that while the Titans are terrifying and awesome as an antagonist they have the most goddamned HILARIOUS designs EVER?

Right, sorry. Back to the slaughter.

Then there was one. Armin is stunned, shocked, horrified – he can’t move, can’t do anything, even as he is lifted into the air and swallowed.

It looks like it’s the end for Armin but Legless Eren hops on over to catch Armin just before he goes down the gullet and tosses him out like a piece of gristle.

And then is eaten in turn.

Armin’s mind breaks into a thousand tiny pieces as he has what can be considered the worst day on record in human existence.

Far away across the city, Mikasa senses a disturbance in the force.

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