Monday, June 2, 2014

The 100 Episode Eleven Review

Previously on Come to the Dark Side, Blondie –

The Teens deal with a small plague, more people die, the Hyena returns and appears to do an about-face but no; he’s still evil. He kills one of his previous tormentors. The Grounders attempt another genocide but fail because Raven built a bomb aaaand Raven breaks up with Finn.

Episode 11 The Calm

The Teens continue with waiting on retribution from the Grounders and this seems to be an ongoing thing. Blondie and Bel are becoming a Super Team working together. They come to the pretty much true realization that ain’t nobody is coming to save them.

Up in Space, shock! They’re aliiiive. Kind of. So far we have one lone survivor; the Evil Overlord in Training who asks, ‘Hello….?’ into the vast empty void of a dead space station.

Octavia has been branded with a scarlet A and is sent to the smoke house to hang meat as punishment for her harridan ways and forbidden love (love that has run off into the hills saying, ‘k see ya bye now’ in the previous episode). Twit Number One, in his glee to poke fun at her, puts too much fire wood in the center of the building and burns it down, taking out their entire food supply.

‘You Have Died of Dysentery’

Time to go hunting lest they starve during another Grounder attack which at this point I’m sure they can set their watches by. It seems to be a rather predictable thing now. Timmy got stuck by an arrow? Must be two o’ clock.

Finn continues to further stick his foot in his mouth by continually apologizing to Raven who does the constipation smile and says, ‘we’re cool, bro, we’re cool’ They’re not cool.

The Teens gear up for hunting and as Blondie watches the last of them leave we have one left behind; Awkward Boy. He’s like, thirteen, overeager, adorable and has an obvious crush on Blondie. ‘Let’s be a team!’ he says. Whatever, says Blondie. Then Finn joins the fray, this should be interesting.

Raven watches as Finn and Blondie leave together and she’s okay. NO. She’s so not okay that she starts to stuff belongings into a backpack and plans to turn-heel flounce her way out of the camp to go…fuck knows where. To her demise, probably. Except Bel intercepts and sweet talks her into staying, saying they need her big brain to survive.

Up in Space, some more people are alive. Yay.

Back on Earth Awkward Boy doesn’t stop talking and he’s awkward and scared and Blondie shushes him while Finn does his tracking thing. Ruh oh, they’re not actually tracks but man-made prints like something out of a Warner Bros cartoon. Awkward Boy fulfills his role as a red shirt and takes two arrows to the chest and Blondie and Finn are taken captive.

Up in Space E.O. in Training is convinced more people are alive. ‘The AIR IS A MESSAGE’.

Back on Earth, Blondie and Finn, sitting in a tree, about to be T-O-R-T-U-R-E-D. Surprise! Perpetually Pissed is back and she takes out a knife. But what’s this? She cuts them loose and gestures to a child laid out on a table. ‘If she dies, he dies.’ This seems to be the Grounders way of asking for help.

Up in Space E.O. in Training wasn’t having crazy times due to lack of air but was actually correct in that more people were alive and some of them were in Earth Monitoring activating air vents for the rest of the ship. Why it’s the Evil Overlord and some lackeys, nobly sacrificing themselves so everyone can survive. Everybody unites for a squishy moment of teamship as they clear the debris so the Evil Overlord can survive. Yay.

Back on Earth we have another WHAT THE EVERLOVING FUCK moment as Blondie asks what the hell happened to this child? And Perpetually Pissed answers, ‘she was on the bridge when it exploded’

Sooooo, child warriors. They bring tiny little children to kill things. Like they’re raising miniature Hannibal’s by teaching them to gut people all under the tender age of ten. I get that the writers are going for ‘warrior society’ with the Grounders but FUCKING A’ really!? Oh GOD IT MAKES NO SEEEENSE.

Right, okay. Raven and Engineer kid are making radios to keep in contact while they hunt but something strange in jamming the signal. The hunters return but without Finn, Blondie and Awkward Boy who was left bleeding in the forest with nobody to care.

Seeing Blondie and Finn not return Raven further digs a jealousy hole and flings herself at the nearest penis; Bellamy. Oh Bellamy, no, nooooo – don’t do it, don’t-

He did it. Rather, THEY did it.

Blondie is having some trouble saving the kid because not only are they in a dirty hole but there are no medical instruments, just some herbs the Grounders have gathered. She improvises with a makeshift tube to drain the blood from the child’s lungs but Perpetually Pissed, who was conveniently not around for the ‘SHE HAS BLOOD IN HER LUNGS’ statement, walks in to see Blondie covered in blood and the girl gasping for breath. Then promptly freaks out and everybody gets into a big fight.

If there was ever a scene in this series that says the screen writers don’t have a flying fucking clue as to what they are doing it was this scene right here. A short clip to Space Above as the Evil Overlord is reunited with his minions then-

Back on Earth, apparently the previous scene was completely forgotten because everybody is calm again and the kid is still dying.

Blondie asks how can you send a child into battle and we get more What The Fuckery as Perpetually answers, ‘But it is our way!’

Blondie announces that the kid is now septic and in true mind boggling fashion comes up with the idea to insert ‘clean’ blood into her with a giant turkey baster. Just…what. What. What what what whaaaaat….

Perpetually refuses to give her own blood so Finn offers his buuuut it’s too late. The kid ain’t breathing and everybody just sort of stands around and stares.

Nope, she’s dead.

Cue the hysterics and now Finn is going to die.

Up in Space we have another shocker; Doctor Mama in alive (but it’s not really a surprise because I totally called it the moment the ship crashed – she wasn’t on the ship) There is some bullshit story about how some people got tossed off before the ship took off and that TOTALLY makes sense because who needs a fully trained doctor on a hostile and dangerous planet?

Back on Earth Blondie is left alone with a single guard and is told that if she pulls her weight they’ll keep her alive because their previous healer has died (shocker). Blondie asks about the marks on their chests and Guard Dude proudly says, ‘They are kill marks, see I’ve got twenty!’

Blondie smiles THEN CUTS HIS FUCKING THROAT OUT. Hooooooly shi-

Then clasps her hands against his mouth in a SUPER CREEPY way while going ‘shush, shush’.

He dies. Blondie is free and on her way to save Finn. Except she gets caught up in a trap.

The other Teens are searching for Blondie and Finn but stumble across our red shirt who is STILL ALIVE and gasping on the forest floor. Hell, if he’s been there all day and is still alive maybe he’ll make it.

CLIFFHANGER END.

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