Monday, June 16, 2014

The 100 Episode 13 Recap

Previously on The 100,

The Grounders have a change in command, the Teens prepare for the oncoming war that makes NO SENSE whatsoever, the Hyena throws a wrench in the works and Up in Space the Evil Overlord decides SCREW IT, let’s just crash the whole space station into earth and maybe one of us will survive.

Episode 13 We Are Grounders: Part Two (Season Finale)

Blondie says, let’s skedaddle, so the camp skedaddles. Raven is still shot so she gets cauterized (AGAIN with the cauterization, this should be a drinking game.) though I have no idea what good that’s going to do because the bullet is still inside of her.

Bel continues to be stupid and says, maybe we can ally with the Reaper’s. Yeaaah, right after they eat you. Finn and Bellamy get into it, sniping at each other and saying walking a 120 miles to the ocean (where did he get that number!?) is going to be impossible.

Finn storms off and Blondie and Bel play the ‘No, you lead’ ‘No, YOU lead’ game. They both need to be around to lead the others and speaking of which; it’s time to get moving.

Since this is the season finale it’s time for a super slow mo cut scene of the mass exodus from the camp. Until a redshirt takes one to the head.

Oops.

The Teens come screaming back to the camp and Bel gets his wish; they are going to fight it out with the Grounders, with a poor defensible space, little to no ammo and no combat training. That should end well.

Octavia decides she’s a ninja, or a warrior princess and takes up a sword to stalk herself some Grounders.

Remember the Teens making a big fuss about the rocket fuel from the last episode? Well, now it’s going to come in handy. If worse comes to worse Raven can rig the drop ship so it attempts to take off, burning out all the fuel at once creating a ring of fire around the shelter which will incinerate everything in its path.

Up in Space, everybody is planning for the suicidal landing attempt. The Evil Overlord talks the sheep into the slaughter, well hell they might as well try because if they stay they certainly will die.

Be burned up in re-entry or suffocate on the space station. Not very good choices.

Earth Below, Finn Raven and Blondie are wiring the ship with Raven’s help. She’s not doing so well. Suddenly she cries out she can’t feel her legs. Apparently the bullet decided to take a little road trip inside Raven’s body and went from being lodged in her side to being lodged in her spine and OH, she now has internal bleeding. Somehow I don’t think wounds work like that. I guess paralysis is more dramatic than a mere bullet in the ol’ side. Finn has the brilliant idea to go back to Silent Dudes cave for medicine and off he goes.

Up in Space, the people of the Arc are ready! They are strapped in, they steel themselves for a rough ride and 3….2…..1……

Nothing.

Ha! Didn’t think it would be that easy did you? Of COURSE something goes wrong with the launch; the explosives or whatever they were using to separate the stations from each other didn’t work; someone has to manually set the charges.

Evil Overlord in training rises magnificently. HE SHALL BE THE ONE. He walks majestically through the pats on the back and praise from the sheep when BOOM! Someone beat him to it. Sit your ass down E.O. in training because the original E.O. stepped up to the plate before you. Off they go to Earth.

Earth Below, Grounders! Grounders dashing through the woods and idiot Teens shoot at shadows.

Raven uses her last breath to rehash her jealously towards Blondie who womans up and returns Raven’s insecurities with kindness.

The Teens are a dumb lot, aren’t they? By shooting at shadows and not waiting until they see the whites of their eyes they are, in fact, wasting the very last of the ammo. Which is exactly what the Grounders were hoping for.

Thankfully they had Raven, and they had Raven make some land mines and surprise! They nail one of the Grounders. Guess who has pouty face? Tristan, the fearsome barbarian warrior, makes an appearance while the Hyena makes a brief appearance before he is gutted by Tristan the fierce barbarian.

Uh oh, NOW the Grounders are coming.

Bellamy proceeds to get his ass kicked but Ninja Warrior Princess Octavia slips out of the shadows to stab a man to death! But in return gets shot with an arrow! Where’s Blondie with the cauterization?

Meanwhile, Finn has made it to Silent Dude’s hidden man cave and desperately rifles through his belongings. Out of the shadows…it’s Silent Dude himself, who for some reason was cloistering himself away in his man cave.

After scaring the bejeesus out of Finn he agrees to lend him medicine and then decides, oh what the hell, let’s go to the camp together. Finn picks up a drawing of the Reaver- oops, Reaper and says, Oh I HAVE AN IDEA!

Back at the camp, Grounders attack! By the hundreds! What a magnificent battle for them; fighting scared children who don’t have any training and came to the earth looking for shelter.

From the sky! It’s the return of the Arc! Well, some of it – quite a bit of it is breaking apart and incinerating everybody inside.

The Grounders see this as reinforcement and double their attack on the gate of the camp.

Out of the woods! We see a flash of Finn and Silent Dude as they rush past the Grounders and lo! Reapers ahoy! It’s DINNER TIME!

Good eatin’ tonight! The Grounders and Reapers go at it and its Silent Dude to the rescue for Octavia. They part into the blood soaked sunset with Octavia still with an arrow inside of her.

I guess the Reaper’s were way overrated because they all die. Damn. Oh well, it bought the Teens enough time to get the drop ship ready for its faux launch, now they just have to get everybody back inside.

Bellamy is STILL getting his ass handed to him as Tristan goes for the throat. Finn dashes off the help and Blondie has to make the terrible choice to close the hatch, cutting off Finn and Bellamy.

Perpetually Pissed isn’t having none of this; with a Xena-esque cry she hurls herself at the door and just manages to slip inside as it closes. Now its just her and….the entire gun-happy camp of Teenagers. Smart move.

She gets her ass kicked but Blondie saves her from being stabbed.

Jasper, after a slight malfunction in the mechanism, presses the button and…

BOOOOOM!!!

Barbequed Grounders.

Up in Space the Evil Overlord in trying to contact any surviving stations. All hope seems lost until….

Doctor Mama is alive, I repeat one of the main protagonists who has survived against all odds IS ALIVE.

She emerges from the space station to an earth remade. It’s beautiful. She describes it to poor Evil Overlord who tears up. I can’t blame him, I hate being left out of parties too.

The Teens emerge from the drop ship. Everything (and everyone) is crispy critters. (so much for realism – wouldn’t rocket fuel more or less incinerate everything, including bone? Not to mention WHY ISN'T THE ENTIRE FOREST ON FIRE??!)

They are victorious!! They are alive!! They are attacked by gas canisters!!

What the hell?

Oh CRAP, says Perpetually Pissed, it’s the Mountain Men. Looks like their all-nighter party has attracted some unwanted attention.

Who ARE the Mountain Men. And more importantly do they have beards and coonskin caps?

Nope, apparently the Brotherhood of Steel is making an appearance in The 100.

The Teens collapse and is this the end….!?

More BWUH!? As Blondie wakes up clean for the first time in ages. White room, white walls, Van Gogh painting and uh oh-

I think Big Brother is watching. Blondie is now a lab rat in some facility, somewhere AND apparently some people not only survived the apocalypse but survived with technology intact.

Looking out the window of her room she can see fellow captive Engineering Kid and….a sign for the long forgotten Mount Weather.

Who? What? How? Why? You’ll have to wait for Season Two of The 100 because that’s the end folks. Thanks for reading and SERIOUSLY GIVE ME A TELEVISION SHOW TO RECAP.

3 comments:

  1. If they make a season 2, my opinion of humanity will go down. So, are they?

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  2. I have no idea. I assume with all the cliff hangers that there will be a second season. Maybe?

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    Replies
    1. Yeah but this season has to have sunk like a lead balloon... right? maybe?

      Anyway, i figured it out! Blondie has been on the space station in a virtual reality simulation this whole time., it was designed to give teens an experience of being on earth to see if they were ready to go down for reals, and the NPCs were all programmed to act like idiots to see if Blondie's leadership capabilities were up to the task. She flunked because so many people died, so they woke her up. This totally explains everything.

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