Monday, June 9, 2014

The 100 Episode 12 Review

Previously on The Human Race is So Totally Doomed,

The Grounders are coming, the Grounders are coming! Again. The Teens lose all their supplies and are forced to go beyond the safety of their camp to hunt. Finn and Blondie are taken captive, redshirt kid gets shot with arrows, Raven makes bad Life Choices, and everybody aboard the mother ship ain’t quite dead yet.

Episode 12: We Are Grounders

Up in Space the meager remains of humanity aboard the mother ship gather to deliver the bad news; with the power they have left they will only survive for another 52 hours.

Evil Overlord is big on the consolation speech; he’s all ‘hey, we’re going to die but I’m super proud of our 100 kids that we sent to earth with all intentions of them failing and dying horribly but HEY they survived, so kudos to my masterful plan’

The Evil Overlord’s ship has essentially set sail; he’s given up and advises for everybody to ‘make their peace’.

The E.O. in training refuses to give up and stalks away into the night to figure out a way to live.

Earth Below Bellamy is having a mid-life crisis; Finn and Blondie are gone, the redshirt is dying, the Grounders are coming and oh, there is no food.

Look! There’s Blondie! Apparently taken down from the trap she was caught in last time, tied up and pissed off.

There is a change of command in the Grounders (which, what?! They have…organization? Ranks? This goes against everything we’ve seen so far from them; which is basically barely human, super violent marauders that kill everything in their path.)

Our new Grounder commander is…Tristan. Tristan, Tristan, Tristan – a name to strike fear into…no one anywhere.

Blondie’s night is about to get worse; Big Bad Rider strolls into camp with the news that Finn is dead. Tristan *snort* says, kill the outsider and let’s get raiding.

At the camp, Bel is hard at work contemplating. That, or he’s playing with toys. Redshirt is groaning his last behind him and Jasper steps up to the plate to deliver a serious smack-down; Bellamy made the decision to not go after Finn and Blondie and Jasper says WE LEAVE NO MAN BEHIND.

Even though going after them would be a huge tactical error that would divide your strength, leave the camp vulnerable, leave you open for attack in the forest and would very likely end up getting everybody killed. Essentially Bel made the right decision by remaining at camp and fortifying their defenses but dammit! WE LEAVE NO MAN BEHIND.

Jasper is disgusted and redshirt asks Bel for some water which he complies. In slinks the Hyena and he looks like he’s up to no good.

A-yup, he whips out a plastic garbage bag and proceeds to suffocate the redshirt but uh oh! – Jasper walks in mid-murder and now we have a hostage situation as the Hyena now has a gun.

What happened to Blondie? Is she dead? Is she….riding on a horse for some reason? Surprise, she’s still alive and riding through the forest with Big Bad Rider. Can you guess who it is?

Silent Dude is back! (So called that) and he has miraculously saved Finn and Blondie. We have a heartwarming reunion before the Trio has to run for the hills because the Grounders are coming.

Up in Space, Doctor Mama is having her own crisis.

Back on Earth, Octavia, Raven and Bel are scheming; Raven is going to go around the back of the drop ship to sneak in while Bel exchanges himself for Jasper as a hostage. While he keeps the Hyena busy Raven will rewire the front entrance to open so we can get this whole idiotic situation over with because The Grounders Are Coming!

The Trio retreats to the tunnels that run underneath the forest and we learn of the Reaver’s (Reaper’s? Honestly it was hard to tell what they were saying. SHADES OF WHEDON!!)

‘What the hell are Reavers/Reapers’? asks Finn. PRAY YOU NEVER FIND OUT, says S.D.

Which means, of course, that we’re going to find out. And OH FOR GOD’S SAKE, Silent Dude is hit with ANOTHER ARROW from Perpetually Pissed, probably as they dashed away like rabbits to enter the tunnels to escape from the rampaging Grounders. The fact that the Grounders didn’t follow them probably doesn’t bode well.

TIS A FLESH WOUND. Says Silent Dude. Out comes the cauterization. Again.

Raven is being stealthy, Jasper, not so much BUT as they crawl through the bowls of the drop ship look! They were sitting on a few hundred gallons of highly explosive rocket fuel. HMMMM, WHAT COULD THAT BE USED FOR??

Back in the tunnels the Trio pauses as they hear sounds ahead in the tunnel. Reapers! (I’m going to go with Reapers) Silent Dude says, I’LL LEAD THEM AWAY HEROICALLY WHILE YOU TWO RUN FOR IT.

What’s the reason for this unheard generosity? ‘What my people are doing is wrong’ says S.D.

Well, duh. Not to mention stupid, pointless, self-destructive and mind-bogglingly sociopathic for no real reason.

Back at our hostage situation Bellamy is smart and has the Hyena monologue-ing his evil plans for his evil future as he plans to kill Bel and take over the camp even as impending doom is nearly on their doorstep and his idiotic hostage taking move is probably going to get everybody killed.

Raven blows it and alerts the Hyena to her presence, Bel gets throttled, the Hyena runs out of bullets and down comes the door. Last minute rescue for Bellamy! The Hyena scampers up to another level; the level where they keep all the explosives.

Finn and Blondie escape! They have a moment, it’s the moment the fans have been waiting for; Finn confesses his undying love for Blondie. So sweet! So romantic! So stupid! Blondie pauses meaningfully, gazes into his eyes and goes, FUCK OFF BRO, YOU BROKE MY HEART.

God, I love that girl.

They hear an almighty BOOM from the direction of the camp. In perfect cartoon logic the Hyena has blown a hole through the side of the drop ship (without any injury despite being five feet away from the fucking blast that drove a hole through steel) and he escapes into the night, MWAHAHAHA-ing all the way. God, all he needs is a mustache to twirl.

Finn and Blondie make the prodigal return and it’s time for speeches.

BUT THEY’LL NEVER TAKE… OUR FREEEEDOM!!! Well, not quite but Bel is all for sticking it out with no food, no supplies and a handful of bullets and oh, God – it’s nice to see Bellamy is still an almighty idiot.

Blondie says, yeah – okay, I kind of agree with Bellamy but listen up, if we stay here we’re all going to die so get your stuff and let’s move. Guess who the Teens listen to?

You guessed it, Blondie is the real leader here AND they have a map from S.D. with instructions to head for the coast to a friendly tribe.

But! Oh, crap - what's this?! Raven has been shot - Hyena's little parting gift for the Teens as he fled.

Up in Space, the Evil Overlord is spending his final hours with a bottle scotch and old video tapes of the kiddies but suddenly has an idea!

Well, hell, if they’re all going to die anyway why not turn the entire mother ship into a flaming ball of doom as it burns through the atmosphere on its way to the ground?

Sounds legit. Let’s do it.

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