Monday, June 30, 2014

Attack on Titan Episode 2 Recap

Right off the bat, let’s start with some disclaimers. THIS IS NOT FOR CHILDREN, NOR THE SQUIMISH. I know, I know – you’re a paragon of steely resolve, your sinews are made from Wolverines cigar gristle and are Ford tough. Congratulations. HOWEVER, this is an anime that is brutal right out of the gate. That’s what makes it so interesting; this is a world where humanity is on its last leg and the audience is left on the edge of their seats hoping that SOMEBODY is going to survive.

Obviously major spoilers, we will be looking at the series in depth, poking at nooks and crannies and looking at characters and plot and why AoT has gained such insane popularity. There will be cursing, there will be blood. Some of the screen caps may be graphic (I will actually try to not and be too graphic with them, I don’t know who is looking at my blog).

Attack on Titan is unique and phenomenal story telling which includes many elements; fantasy, mystery, politics, military campaigns, camaraderie, sacrifice and hope. If you can get past the brutal nature of the narrative its worth watching. All right, let’s get into it:

Attack on Titan Episode 2 Recap: That Day/ The Fall of Shiganshina Part 2

Previously on Attack on Titan:

After a century of peace from the relentless hunger of the Titans, the outer wall Maria is suddenly forcefully taken down, opening up a reign of terror and bloodshed as thousands are trampled, killed and ‘eaten’ by Titans.

Our Trio – Eren, Mikasa and Armin, are mere children who witness the horrific event and barely escape with their lives. What will happen after the wall has been broken?

Oh dear, the city of the outer wall, Shiganshina, is decimated and overrun with Titans. As with any emergency (if you could call being rent limb from limb and then digested WHILE YOU ARE STILL ALIVE an ‘emergency’ and not some kind of level of hell) you get all sorts of strange behavior. Good ol’ Jayne from Firefly put it best, once upon a time – ‘There’s people gonna die - and with people dyin' comes guts and screamin'. That can bring on all sorts of screwed-up behavior, a person ain't used to it.’

Well, that applies here as well – as the streets are flooded with terrified and panicked people one brave soul screams about retribution and sin and bla bla bla, somebody eat him already. Oops, he IS eaten.

Farther away the soldier Hannes is still bookin’ it with Eren and Mikasa tucked under his arms when Eren finally snaps out of the horrific shock of seeing his mother eaten before his eyes. How can an eleven (? twelve?) year old even begin to deal with the appalling things happening around him and to him? Eren attacks Hannes, screaming – why did you stop me, we could have saved her?

Hannes stops Eren’s fists and tells him the hard truth – you couldn’t have saved her because you are small and weak. ‘BUT’, as he looks into Eren’s face, Hannes is crying miserable tears as well – ‘I am weak too.’

Ugh, right in the feels.

Hannes takes them both by the hand and leads them away again and Mikasa looks back upon the ruined town. We see a glimpse into what was her past – a scene of destruction and blood.

Ah, she thinks, it’s happened again. hinting that she comes from a traumatic and brutal background.

The crisis isn’t over yet; an entire city needs to be evacuated immediately before they are destroyed or eaten by the oncoming onslaught of giants with only the mindless intent to eat humans.

Whoever wrote the series has an outstanding understanding of psychology and human nature. We see what happens to people during a crisis when a brutal and horrific death stares you in the face; most people flat out panic, their minds are nearly gone with terror and they do foolish things. Some people mow down others in the effort to survive. Some people help those around them.

Armin has boarded one of the giant boats that follows a track into the recess of the second wall, Rose. From where he stands he sees Eren and Mikasa, being delivered by Hannes. He stretches an arm to wave to his friends but stops as he looks at their faces –

Eren’s absolute desolation, as though he has been carved from the inside out and Mikasa’s absolute stone wall blank face, trying to distance herself from what she has just witnessed.

The sun sets, our Trio survives but humanity has taken a terrible blow that may spell extinction for all.

Boy, if you though Eren had Crazy Times before, NOW he’s got a purpose and a drive; he vows to destroy every last Titan and reclaim the world.

And so the beginning of the fall of humanity is marked with a loss of 20,000 people and the outmost defensive wall. The government draws everybody back behind Wall Rose.

We also have the introduction of two different types of Titans, if anybody was paying close enough attention, which I admit is difficult given the fast pace of the series.

Firstly, we have the Colossal Titan – the giant being that kicked a hole in Wall Maria and opened the path for the smaller Titans.

Secondly, in this episode we have the Armored Titan – which is exactly as it sounds. His body is armor plated as to allow him to cannonball his way through the walls directly behind Maria.

This is important and will be explained later – for now, just note that not all Titans appear the same.

Eren awakes from another nightmare and we are faced with the question, is what he dreaming real or…?

He dreams of his father, holding a syringe while Eren screams for him to stop and asks, has his mother’s death driven his father insane? We don’t know what happened. We only know that Daddy Yeager is desperate, appears to have experimented on Eren and impresses upon Eren that he MUST reach the basement with the key, NO MATTER WHAT.

Eren awakes, and was it a dream? But ho ho – around his neck is the key! Mysterious!

The survivors of Shiganshina are faced with another reality of survival; the mass numbers of people creates a terrible tension on populations already strained behind Wall Rose. There isn’t enough room, there isn’t enough food. A food shortage was already underway.

The governments way of solving this is ‘volunteering’ a third of the refugees to fight Titans. Well, you can imagine how well THAT goes over.

Armin is crafty and smart and manages to grab three whole loaves of bread (one loaf of bread being an entire day’s ration) to give to Mikasa and Eren and Eren hits his boiling point (again).

He’s angry at himself, angry at the world, at his helplessness and he lashes out at Armin, crossing a line calling him a ‘coward’.

MIIIKAAASAAAA PUNCH!!!

She lays down the harsh truth, ‘we are all weak’ and points out anybody who can’t even procure his own provisions doesn’t have the right to fight Titans.

Eren must survive this and Mikasa is going to make sure he does.

Let’s also take a moment to explore the dynamic of the Trio as things have been flipped upside down in a matter of days. Their parents are dead. The world they knew is dead.

Many people speculate romantic emotions between the Trio but to me, the most obvious answer is that they are family with ties deeper than blood. Surviving terrible tragedy together often ties people together with the strongest of bonds. There are no romantic intentions behind any of the Trio’s actions.

The Trio are now Family, who will do anything and everything for one another.

All right, Eren says, next year I am joining the military and starting the first step in destroying Titans. This time, Mikasa and Armin are right behind him.

Friday, June 27, 2014

slight delay

~apologies, I started a new job this week and things have been super stressful. Will resume blogging next week~

Monday, June 23, 2014

Attack on Titan Recap: Episode One

Right off the bat, let’s start with some disclaimers. THIS IS NOT FOR CHILDREN, NOR THE SQUIMISH. I know, I know – you’re a paragon of steely resolve, your sinews are made from Wolverines cigar gristle and are Ford tough. Congratulations. HOWEVER, this is an anime that is brutal right out of the gate. That’s what makes it so interesting; this is a world where humanity is on its last leg and the audience is left on the edge of their seats hoping that SOMEBODY is going to survive.

Obviously major spoilers, we will be looking at the series in depth, poking at nooks and crannies and looking at characters and plot and why AoT has gained such insane popularity. There will be cursing, there will be blood. Some of the screen caps may be graphic (I will actually try to not and be too graphic with them, I don’t know who is looking at my blog).

Attack on Titan is unique and is actually phenomenal story telling which includes many elements; fantasy, mystery, politics, military campaigns, camaraderie, sacrifice and hope. If you can get past the brutal nature of the story its worth watching. All right, let’s get into it:

Attack on Titan Episode One Recap: The Fall of Shiganshina

See, what did I say right out of the gate brutality? The first 30 seconds gives you the summary of the plot; sweet little Medieval-esque town is the new smorgasbord buffet for the mysterious Titans (giants) who have overcome their defensive wall. Outside the gates, soldiers on horseback and 3d maneuver gear (we’ll get to that waaaay later) are outclassed by the terrible giants roaming the forest, we don’t see what happens-but!

Let’s not start there, let’s start earlier in the day before all this happened.

Meet Eren, who seems to be having terrifying prophetic dreams that will pass right by the audience until the end of the season. (Get used to that face, he's going to make it a LOT.) He’s the hero of the story even though I have to admit, I never really warmed up to him as a character.

Meet Mikasa, Eren’s adoptive sister and bonified badass. It becomes apparent very quickly that she has been placed in charge of Eren’s well being because, well, he has the survival instinct of a suicidal lemming.

Welcome to Ye Olde Medieval Town; it’s never really made clear whether this is in the same universe as ours but humanity was unable to develop and grow because of Titans, whether the world ended and was relapsed back to a medieval state, or whether this is an alternative universe. Highly developed technology exists side by side with simplicity.

Eren and Mikasa wander around a sleepy, beautiful town set inside that vast walls that protects them from the outside world. People are complacent; they shop at picturesque markets, the woman wear quaint peasant skirts and aprons, the men wear suspenders and smoke pipes.

Eren is apparently on familiar terms with the city’s guard, who have nothing better to do than get drunk and play cards as they have absolute faith in Wall Maria, the outmost shield against the Titans. By this point you would think they are about 90% proof alcohol, given the red-faced sloshed countenance. Eren screams in rage at their slovenly state. WHAT IF THE GIANTS COOOOMMMEE!??

Can you sense the foreshadowing already? Don’t worry, it will become as obvious as a hammer to the head later on.

The gates open and the soldiers return home. Eren is super excited. What glory to be a soldier, fighting giants, seeing the outside world- Yeah, no. True to reality, the life of a soldier is not a glamorous one and even less so when you are fighting insanely powerful creatures that are the size of a two-story building.

How brutal is it?

Ask Moses’s mother.

Who receives just the arm of her son as the rest of him is inside someone’s stomach.

The soldiers have a breakdown and basically scream WE’EEERREE USSELESSSSS and HUMANITY IS DOOOOOOMED, DOOOOOMED I SAAAYYY.

This doesn’t faze Eren, who is all JUSTICE, FREEDOMM!! MURICAAA!!

Mikasa is all, ‘Dumbass.’

Take a good look at domesticity amongst the Yeager household because this is the last Happy Times moment you’re going to see.

Mikasa spills the beans on Eren’s ambition to become a soldier and he promptly flips his shit again going FREEEDOMMMM, JUUUSTIIICEEE, CAAATTLLEEE!!! That last part is Eren comparing the complacent happiness of the city to that of cattle. Life ain’t worth living unless something is trying to eat you, I guess. Also, Eren’s frequent FREEEDOOMMMM, JUUUSTIICCEEE!! war cry is something you better get used to right now because the boy has emotional issues, to put it lightly.

Mommy Yeager doesn’t agree but Daddy Yeager is all meh – tell you what, Eren, when Daddy comes back from Doctoring rounds he’s going to show you the basement! Yea, sounds ominous. Also a major key point in the entire plot; you could say that the entire underlying storyline revolves around Eren’s basement, so keep that in mind.

Alrighty then, had enough domestic squishiness? Good, cuz’ its time for people to die.

Eren runs away in a fit of rage because people just don’t UNDERSTAND his insane drive to DO THINGS. Mama Yeager asks Mikasa to look after her batshit crazy son, because otherwise he’ll end up killing himself.

Meet Armin, our third tier of main characters who the plot mostly focuses on. He’s being bullied again by plebian thugs who just don’t understand his insanely high intellect. What’s interesting is, is that right off the bat we are shown the themes of our three main characters.

Eren. Who charges straight forward, without thought, without care, without intelligence and proceeds to attempt to beat the shit out of whatever problem is plaguing him.

Mikasa, who has cool emotions, ability to reason and high combat ability (those thugs freaking crap their pants before they run in terror before her) and, Armin, whose body may not be physically as capable as Eren’s or Mikasa’s but has incredibly high intellect and a strong will.

I also want to take a small moment here to do a little analysis of AoT and why, even from the first episode, I liked it so much.

The anime breaks the tropes right off the bat with Mikasa and Eren. Eren is highly emotional; he’s guided by, let us say almost fanatical, reasoning. He’s clumsy, he’s not exactly bright, he constantly needs to be rescued.

Mikasa is stoic, almost has no emotion, is smart, capable, physically powerful, and very good at combat.

The roles have been reversed – Eren takes a traditionally feminine role in storytelling and Mikasa takes the masculine. Even more extraordinary is the fact that Mikasa isn’t hyper-sexualized with scanty clothing, giant tits and close up crotch shots. My God, it’s revolutionary from an anime stand point. This just…doesn’t happen in anime.

One other point I wanted to make that we will revisit later is the realism the show is portrayed with. Or at least, as much realism as possible when the enemy is a traditionally mythical creature. AoT makes damn sure you understand the ramifications of war and battle. There is no glory in it. Often it is brutal and you don’t get a homecoming parade.

The Titans are the one mythical, fantasy point in the series but the characters are very real human beings, with their faults and weaknesses. There are no Super Saiyan’s, magical powers, disproportionate physical strengths, or other over-the-top gimmicks that a lot of anime uses.

Humanity is weak, and you feel it. If they are going to win against the Titans they are going to have to step up their game. Anyhow, let’s get back to Really Obvious Foreshadowing.

The Trio are relaxing talking about how awesome it would be to see the outside world. Eren reiterates his insane desire to be a soldier and Mikasa goes, ‘Dumbass.’

Armin goes on to talk about the complacency of humanity and says, ‘just because we haven’t been attacked in over a century doesn’t mean the wall couldn’t come down today’

Uhhhh, shit. You went there, didn’t you Armin?

Because guess whhhaaaaatt?

Yup. That’s bad. That’s a fucking 60 meter giant who is just standing casually over Wall Maria and is about to give a howdy do.

And down goes the wall. IT’S FEEEEDING TIME!

OH THE HUMANITY. By kicking in the wall, the giant already does insane damage to the city and people are crushed flat by the flying debris. Armin tells them to run but Eren says, our mother is in that direction. For once Mikasa doesn’t disagree and both take off towards their home, which is going to be overrun by Titans very quickly.

You see where this is going?

Of COURSE, Mama Yeager ain’t dead, just pinned by debris. We have to make this Fridging super dramatic, you know?

MamaYeager knows she’s screwed and she tells Mikasa to take Eren and run but Mikasa doesn’t want her to die either. Finally, Hannes the soldier shows up and is all I’LL SAVE YOU!!

But yea, no. One look at the Titan and he turns around and runs. (Seriously, who wouldn’t? Look at that fucker – it’s terrifying. I’d run screaming too.) The final moments of the episode are spent with Eren and Mikasa, being taken away by the soldier, watching as Mama Yeager is dug out of the rubble aaaaaand eaten in front of Eren’s eyes.

For those of you who don’t know what Fridging is, it’s a trope used in storytelling (often in comics) where a male protagonist loses a female love interest (or mother, female relation) in a particularly horrible way, so his character is further developed and given a reason for vengeance. Nearly always, it’s the woman who dies and dies horrifically and female characters are rarely if not ever given a vengeance storyline to further the development of THEIR characters. Mother’s, sister’s and lover’s are quite often the victims of brutal rape and murder, and this is done so often in storytelling it is now a trope.

(Honestly, I should do an entire essay devoted to One Piece’s Mother problem – holy shit, EVERY SINGLE MOTHER EVEEEEEERRR showed in One Piece are brutally killed so the characters have Tragic Backstory. At least Oda gives us a few female protagonists instead of entirely male, but that’s a rant for another time.)

All right, end of episode one. Have I frightened you away from Attack on Titan forever? Don’t be scared, there are plenty of good scenes in AoT and phenomenal story telling. Come back next week for episode two.

Friday, June 20, 2014

Watership Down Recap: Chapters 18 & 19

Chapter 18: Watership Down

Um, introducing Watership Down? The entire first few paragraphs is describing the wonderland that Watership Down is. What it ALSO is, is a great big cliff/mountain rising into the sky

So since the disastrous run-in with the Weirdo bunnies the fellowship of the cottontails have traveled three miles (which is actually damned impressive, considering).

Everybody is tired and now they have PTSD. I am getting a loooot of allusions towards war and soldiers in this. Must be the time period is was written in. Everybody is super tight now - no one doubts Fiver when he has the Tingle.

Our newest member, Strawberry, is getting a lot of shit from the other bunnies for being from the Weirdo tribe and for being unused to living in the wild.

Bigwig is intent on calling him 'the dandy' (yay, homophobia!) and rips into him every chance he has. (maybe he's secretly attracted to him? Oh, God - is there such a thing as yaoi Watership Down fics? There probably are and I'm terrified to think about it)

So Fiver's mad plan is to hike up the sheer cliffside to paradise.

But maybe tomorrow - that night they find some holes in the ground to sleep in.

Chapter 19: Fear in the Dark

Wasn't that a tv show? or book...? Oh well. This chapter makes it reaallyyy clear that Watership Down is a haven removed from stinking humans and their filth and noise and ugh, they should all just disappear and die in a fire, leaving Mother Earth cleansed of their puerile filth... I think I'm seeing a political bent in the writing.

Anyhoo, Hazel goes for a nibble in the grass wondering where the holes in the ground came from. (A little belatedly? Isn't there like a rule, or something, where you should check to see what's living in holes or caves before you bodily lose limbs? Just a thought.)

Blackberry has a little chat with Hazel. OUR JOURNEY IS OVER. Ha, no - there's like four hundred pages left in the book.

Then I got kind of confused because now its dark again and they hear mysterious wailing sounds. Everybody is getting freaked. WHAT WAS THAT!?

Oh GOD, rabbit superstition!! IT'S THE BLACK RABBIT OF INLE!!! COME TO TAKE OUR SOOOUUUULLSSS - no idiots, it's Captain Holly, bloody and torn up, from the Owsla (waaayyy back in the early chapters and holy shit how did he even find them? CLIFFHANGER!!)

Thursday, June 19, 2014

Some more choices to recap

Uncle Baily calls upon my readers for literary sacrificial material. The 100 approaches the end of its first season and I shall be left with nothing to make fun of review in a mature and orderly fashion for the summer. I need requests! I need sci-fi! Anime! Fantasy! Something long enough to cover once a week until September.

Well? Have something you think would work? Let me know. I will be thinking hard about it.

So I have a few Sci-fi shows for possible recapping (still leaning towards dinosaur, because, well DINOSAUR) but there is also some amazing anime out there. Here's a few:

Puella Magi Madoka Magica

It took me a while to get into it but once I did, DAMN. By the end of the series my mouth was catching flies, it was amazing. This would be a very interesting anime to dissect from a social point of view. The funny thing is the creator mentioned having no intention of making a statement, or being feminist about the show but actually that's exactly what happened. Plus, cute girls, dark plots and INSANE ending.

Sword Art Online

This is in my 'meh' file. I mostly have an overwhelming urge to poke fun at Kirito and the MMORPG community (which I love but I also like to make of). There are some issues I would like to dissect in this anime. Some tropes and for the love of GOD the second half (second season?) where Asuna becomes COMPLETELY FUCKING USELESS and is damseled. That made me want to commit violence. The card-board cut out villain, Kirito, ect. ect. there's enough fodder in there for me to have fun with.

Attack on Titan

Oh dear. We could have a field day with this anime. Where would you even begin? A drinking game where every time someone gets eaten you take a shot? A weekly headcount of the dead? Well, anyway Attack on Titan is one hell of an anime and would be worth going over.

Kill La Kill

Hmmm, another favorite of 2013/14 Kill La Kill. This is a fun one. We could talk about the deliberate costume designs (and ensuing yeast infection because DAMN, tight around the crotchel region much? I can't believe women are cosplaying this), we could have a field day with analysis of the characters, all the plot twists and general insanity of clothing bent on taking over the galaxy.

All right, you weasels - here are the choices. If anybody has any interest in ANY of these (sci-fi included) fer' crying out loud SAY SOMETHING. Otherwise I'll be surprising you on Monday with what I chose. Ta ta.

Wednesday, June 18, 2014

Manga Review: Drifters

I remember in the early days of my Otaku-dom the bright lure of anime and manga surpassed all; it didn’t matter what the story was, what the art was, what it was about – all I cared about was that it was anime, it was from Japan and it was a new and shiny toy for me to obsess over.

Well, that was then. Now, I like to think of myself as an ex-otaku BUT someone who still appreciates pop-culture and entertainment. When I look at manga and anime now, I look for something that makes it unusual. The art style, or a story that has never been told before OR a twist on old classics (Madoka pulled that off nicely).

Drifters is one of those unusual manga that I have come across.

I liked the art. It was bold, it was weird, it had badass warriors on it so I started reading it. It doesn’t disappoint.

You have to know a little something about Japanese history to really get the story. Our protag is Shimazu Toyohisa – a 16th century samurai of great fame.

The story opens with the infamous ambush that killed him in reality but in Drifters this is used as a plot device as he is magically (?) moved to another world.

At least, I think that’s what happened. I honestly read this as he died and was moved to an underworld or something (its been a long time since I’ve read the manga, I’d have to go back and make sure that’s what happened.)

As he awakes he finds himself and several other powerful, infamous warriors have been transported to this strange new world to be part of a group called ‘Drifters’.

They are plopped straight into a battle with humans, elves, dwarves and other fantastical creatures. The humans, elves ect. are losing a battle against ‘Ends’ who are nasty and kill everything and everyone with the aim to take over the world.

Our three warrior protagonists are:

Toyohisa

Who is a virtuous, honorable man and is the most willing to help the people around him. Historically he was a seriously powerful figure in Japanese history and in Drifters he is the Hero.

Nobunaga

Another character who existed historically, Nobunaga was a famous warlord known for being one hell of a strategist and first brought guns into battle (around the 16th century). In Drifters he’s a lecherous bastard who only occasionally helps out; mostly when there is a profit to be made.

Yoichi

Nasu no Yoichi was another actual historic figure but he is very different in Drifters. In the manga he a very effeminate, playful skillful archer. He and Toyohisa get along better than Nobunaga and Yoichi.

The world of Drifters is a like a crazy patchwork quilt of famous historical people (warriors, mostly) a magic RPG game and political story all mashed together for one strange ride.

Definitely not for children - there are some graphic elements to the manga including rape and graphic violence, so be warned. But if political military maneuvers, awesome battles, magic and elves and general weirdness are your thing then you may enjoy Drifters.

Tuesday, June 17, 2014

Fable 2: Hero of Bowerstone Update

I wasn't super thrilled with how short the last chapter was so this time I got another chapter out pretty quickly. Sort of a fluff chapter where nothing of great importance happens but we learn a little more about Bowerstone and the residents within. Eleven: Loose Ends

Some choices to recap

Uncle Baily calls upon my readers for literary sacrificial material. The 100 approaches the end of its first season and I shall be left with nothing to make fun of review in a mature and orderly fashion for the summer. I need requests! I need sci-fi! Anime! Fantasy! Something long enough to cover once a week until September.

Well? Have something you think would work? Let me know. I will be thinking hard about it.

So here is a short list of some Sci-fi shows that are easily accessed and are cheesy enough to get some humor out of:

Primeval: New world

It has a dinosaur in it. That is all.

Helix

I have no idea what this is about. Looks interesting though.

Riese: Kingdom Falling

I think I watched part of the first episode a looooong time ago and it was like a really bad stab at a Steampunk/thriller genre.

Farscape

Haven't seen much of this either but I'm pretty sure I can find a season to watch at the local library.

All right, buckos, these are some of the things I've been looking at. Next up is maybe some anime titles. You got till next Sunday to cast in any votes on something you want to see recapped.

Monday, June 16, 2014

The 100 Episode 13 Recap

Previously on The 100,

The Grounders have a change in command, the Teens prepare for the oncoming war that makes NO SENSE whatsoever, the Hyena throws a wrench in the works and Up in Space the Evil Overlord decides SCREW IT, let’s just crash the whole space station into earth and maybe one of us will survive.

Episode 13 We Are Grounders: Part Two (Season Finale)

Blondie says, let’s skedaddle, so the camp skedaddles. Raven is still shot so she gets cauterized (AGAIN with the cauterization, this should be a drinking game.) though I have no idea what good that’s going to do because the bullet is still inside of her.

Bel continues to be stupid and says, maybe we can ally with the Reaper’s. Yeaaah, right after they eat you. Finn and Bellamy get into it, sniping at each other and saying walking a 120 miles to the ocean (where did he get that number!?) is going to be impossible.

Finn storms off and Blondie and Bel play the ‘No, you lead’ ‘No, YOU lead’ game. They both need to be around to lead the others and speaking of which; it’s time to get moving.

Since this is the season finale it’s time for a super slow mo cut scene of the mass exodus from the camp. Until a redshirt takes one to the head.

Oops.

The Teens come screaming back to the camp and Bel gets his wish; they are going to fight it out with the Grounders, with a poor defensible space, little to no ammo and no combat training. That should end well.

Octavia decides she’s a ninja, or a warrior princess and takes up a sword to stalk herself some Grounders.

Remember the Teens making a big fuss about the rocket fuel from the last episode? Well, now it’s going to come in handy. If worse comes to worse Raven can rig the drop ship so it attempts to take off, burning out all the fuel at once creating a ring of fire around the shelter which will incinerate everything in its path.

Up in Space, everybody is planning for the suicidal landing attempt. The Evil Overlord talks the sheep into the slaughter, well hell they might as well try because if they stay they certainly will die.

Be burned up in re-entry or suffocate on the space station. Not very good choices.

Earth Below, Finn Raven and Blondie are wiring the ship with Raven’s help. She’s not doing so well. Suddenly she cries out she can’t feel her legs. Apparently the bullet decided to take a little road trip inside Raven’s body and went from being lodged in her side to being lodged in her spine and OH, she now has internal bleeding. Somehow I don’t think wounds work like that. I guess paralysis is more dramatic than a mere bullet in the ol’ side. Finn has the brilliant idea to go back to Silent Dudes cave for medicine and off he goes.

Up in Space, the people of the Arc are ready! They are strapped in, they steel themselves for a rough ride and 3….2…..1……

Nothing.

Ha! Didn’t think it would be that easy did you? Of COURSE something goes wrong with the launch; the explosives or whatever they were using to separate the stations from each other didn’t work; someone has to manually set the charges.

Evil Overlord in training rises magnificently. HE SHALL BE THE ONE. He walks majestically through the pats on the back and praise from the sheep when BOOM! Someone beat him to it. Sit your ass down E.O. in training because the original E.O. stepped up to the plate before you. Off they go to Earth.

Earth Below, Grounders! Grounders dashing through the woods and idiot Teens shoot at shadows.

Raven uses her last breath to rehash her jealously towards Blondie who womans up and returns Raven’s insecurities with kindness.

The Teens are a dumb lot, aren’t they? By shooting at shadows and not waiting until they see the whites of their eyes they are, in fact, wasting the very last of the ammo. Which is exactly what the Grounders were hoping for.

Thankfully they had Raven, and they had Raven make some land mines and surprise! They nail one of the Grounders. Guess who has pouty face? Tristan, the fearsome barbarian warrior, makes an appearance while the Hyena makes a brief appearance before he is gutted by Tristan the fierce barbarian.

Uh oh, NOW the Grounders are coming.

Bellamy proceeds to get his ass kicked but Ninja Warrior Princess Octavia slips out of the shadows to stab a man to death! But in return gets shot with an arrow! Where’s Blondie with the cauterization?

Meanwhile, Finn has made it to Silent Dude’s hidden man cave and desperately rifles through his belongings. Out of the shadows…it’s Silent Dude himself, who for some reason was cloistering himself away in his man cave.

After scaring the bejeesus out of Finn he agrees to lend him medicine and then decides, oh what the hell, let’s go to the camp together. Finn picks up a drawing of the Reaver- oops, Reaper and says, Oh I HAVE AN IDEA!

Back at the camp, Grounders attack! By the hundreds! What a magnificent battle for them; fighting scared children who don’t have any training and came to the earth looking for shelter.

From the sky! It’s the return of the Arc! Well, some of it – quite a bit of it is breaking apart and incinerating everybody inside.

The Grounders see this as reinforcement and double their attack on the gate of the camp.

Out of the woods! We see a flash of Finn and Silent Dude as they rush past the Grounders and lo! Reapers ahoy! It’s DINNER TIME!

Good eatin’ tonight! The Grounders and Reapers go at it and its Silent Dude to the rescue for Octavia. They part into the blood soaked sunset with Octavia still with an arrow inside of her.

I guess the Reaper’s were way overrated because they all die. Damn. Oh well, it bought the Teens enough time to get the drop ship ready for its faux launch, now they just have to get everybody back inside.

Bellamy is STILL getting his ass handed to him as Tristan goes for the throat. Finn dashes off the help and Blondie has to make the terrible choice to close the hatch, cutting off Finn and Bellamy.

Perpetually Pissed isn’t having none of this; with a Xena-esque cry she hurls herself at the door and just manages to slip inside as it closes. Now its just her and….the entire gun-happy camp of Teenagers. Smart move.

She gets her ass kicked but Blondie saves her from being stabbed.

Jasper, after a slight malfunction in the mechanism, presses the button and…

BOOOOOM!!!

Barbequed Grounders.

Up in Space the Evil Overlord in trying to contact any surviving stations. All hope seems lost until….

Doctor Mama is alive, I repeat one of the main protagonists who has survived against all odds IS ALIVE.

She emerges from the space station to an earth remade. It’s beautiful. She describes it to poor Evil Overlord who tears up. I can’t blame him, I hate being left out of parties too.

The Teens emerge from the drop ship. Everything (and everyone) is crispy critters. (so much for realism – wouldn’t rocket fuel more or less incinerate everything, including bone? Not to mention WHY ISN'T THE ENTIRE FOREST ON FIRE??!)

They are victorious!! They are alive!! They are attacked by gas canisters!!

What the hell?

Oh CRAP, says Perpetually Pissed, it’s the Mountain Men. Looks like their all-nighter party has attracted some unwanted attention.

Who ARE the Mountain Men. And more importantly do they have beards and coonskin caps?

Nope, apparently the Brotherhood of Steel is making an appearance in The 100.

The Teens collapse and is this the end….!?

More BWUH!? As Blondie wakes up clean for the first time in ages. White room, white walls, Van Gogh painting and uh oh-

I think Big Brother is watching. Blondie is now a lab rat in some facility, somewhere AND apparently some people not only survived the apocalypse but survived with technology intact.

Looking out the window of her room she can see fellow captive Engineering Kid and….a sign for the long forgotten Mount Weather.

Who? What? How? Why? You’ll have to wait for Season Two of The 100 because that’s the end folks. Thanks for reading and SERIOUSLY GIVE ME A TELEVISION SHOW TO RECAP.