Monday, May 19, 2014

The 100 Episode Nine Review

Previously on Drug Addled Teens and Torture, The world ended and now the fate of humanity is in the hands of teenagers. Silent Dude remains a prisoner, Blondie and Bellamy bond over corpses and weapons, everybody gets high, Silent Dude escapes and now everybody has guns.

The 100 Episode Nine: Unity Day

(Is it strange I kept remembering that one scene from Firefly when Mal and Co. are in that bar and it’s Unification Day? And that drunk guy goes ‘UnifiCATION Day!!’ Yea, I kept hearing that as I watched this episode.)

So the Evil Overlord is broadcasting live over the screen to everybody both Space Above and Earth Below as they celebrate Unity Day (UnifiCATION Day!!) as 13 stations united to form the mother ship? I think that’s how it went.

Except everybody on Earth Below is having a way better time of things because now they have their own moonshine still to make alcohol. Better and better; now we have Teens, Sex, Drugs, Guns and Alcohol. I think our bingo card of Teenage Stereotypes has been completely filled out. It’s a wonder the camp hasn’t imploded yet.

While the teens watch the screen Finn happens to see Octavia be super stealthy (not really) and sneak out the back door. HMMM, I WONDER WHERE SHE’S GOING? Back in Space the two doppelgangers exchange not-so-subtle barbs as the Previous Counselor and Doctor Mama clearly dislike one another. Aw, look it’s time for the little tykes of the Mother Ship to reenact Unity Day (UnifiCATION Day!!), this should be good. And we’re not disappointed,

“Long ago, when the earth was on fire…”

Seriously, how can this NOT go wrong with a sentence beginning like that? Hold onto your butts because BOOM!!!

Terrorism aboard the space ship. Blood, bodies and mayhem everywhere. Poor Evil Overlord in Training loses his mother and – hey, where is the Previous Counselor? She has mysteriously disappeared right before the bomb went off.

The Previous Counselor shows her true colors; her and her blue collar cohorts set the bomb but lament that it wasn’t big enough to kill the Evil Overlord. ‘We should have built a bigger bomb’ she says. The Previous Counselor is out to hijack the drop ship and woe betide those who get in her way. On Earth Below party reveling is still going on, Raven is checking the gun powder and Finn is doing the earth loving hippy routine and is super upset at all the guns and violence. He wants a better solution when dealing with the Grounders.

Octavia, by this point, has made it to the underground bunker to her super-ripped boyfriend and they fall passionately into each other’s arms. Right after she tries to stab him. Foreplay, I guess, for Grounders.

And can we take a moment to acknowledge how FUCKED UP this relationship is? This grown-ass man stalks Octavia, kidnaps her when she is injured, drags her back to his man-cave, CHAINS HER TO A FUCKING WALL and now she’s madly in love with him?

Not to mention this grown-ass man is screwing a girl who isn’t even out of her teens yet, whose brain and decision making skills have not been fully formed yet, who is reckless, impulsive and immature? THIS RELATIONSHIP IS FUCKED UP. Just thought I would point that out.

Big Brother Finn finds them and nearly gets himself knifed. Again. Finn declares a truce and says he wants to find a way to forge peace between them (peace with the Grounders who are murderous and homicidal FOR NO FUCKING REASON – but we’ll get to that in length later in the episode)

Silent Dude agrees but says he doesn’t have the authority to make that call. So he will bring his leader if the Teens bring theirs. ‘Bellamy?!’ Octavia scoffs. ‘No,’ says Finn, ‘Clarke’ (also known as Blondie). Good call.

Back in Space the Previous Counselor proves herself quite the actress when the guard finds her. She pulls the, ‘Thank GOD I DID leave early, if I hadn’t, why I shudder to think what would have happened! I’m so glad you’re all okay!’ Like idiots, the guard believe her and allow her to plot more terrorist plots to get to the drop ship.

Earth Below Blondie grudgingly agrees with the Pacifist Plan but goes behind Finn’s back and informs Bellamy who responds with, ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND!!? They compromise that Bel and a couple of others (Raven and Jasper) will follow behind them, fully armed with their latest discovery – automatic rifles. This will end well, I’m sure.

Finn and Blondie take off in the middle of the night, Blondie leaves a trail of nuts (the wacky nuts that caused so much trouble in the last episode?) for Bellamy to follow. Which apparently he can- in pitch black dark, in rough terrain, without light...

Back in Space the Previous Counselor finally manages a hostile takeover of the drop ship and oops! Doctor Mama just happens to get stuck on the wrong side of the doors. The Evil Overlord is hilariously screaming through the glass door to let him in and the Previous Counselor basically goes, Nah Nah NAAAAHHH.

Back on Earth this is it; the big moment when the two leaders of opposing groups will come together and make history. Finn and Blondie meet up with Octavia and Silent Dude with the Bellamy and Co. entourage tagging along behind them, unbeknownst to everybody else. Now EVERYBODY knows about Octavia’s illicit sexy times as she’s all over Silent Dude like cat hair on a black angora sweater.

HA HA! Laughs Raven, who stops laughing as Finn grabs Blondie’s hand and jealousy rears its ugly head. Goddamn love triangles. But no time for that – out of the woods, it’s the Grounders! On horses!

Surprise, surprise the leader is a badass looking Warrior Princess who has the visage of someone who is Perpetually Pissed. Blondie is up, this is it, the first opening sentence that will make or break a tentative peace between peoples or start another war.

‘I think, uh, that we got off to a rough start.’

Diplomacy at its finest. Perpetually Pissed does not look impressed. It’s an awkward downhill slide of hostility from there. Supposedly this is where in the point of the series where we get an actual explanation concerning the weird hyper-violent attitudes the Grounders have displayed towards the Teens; which has been horror-movie brutal and more-than-slightly unsubstantiated.

Instead we get serious Plot Holes. Gaping Plot Holes. ‘Your signals burned a village to the ground’ says Perpetually Pissed.

Can we point out that when the teens sent off the flares that was like, episode five or six? And the Grounders have been murderous from episode one? Jasper was harpooned just for standing around in a forest, then he was dragged all over creation then strung up on a tree while he was slowly bleeding to death for what reason now? None of this is adding up and it still comes off smelling like a poor antagonist prop. A really flimsy cardboard thin excuse for drama.

Equally, thinking about this logically their attitudes MAKE NO SENSE. Say they are the survivors of the apocalypse. They have been surviving this century basically living in the dark ages, presumably without modern medicine, technology or any of the advancements we had before the Fallout. Why in the HELL would they murderously slaughter the people who DO have that technology, who CAN put humanity back together and share their medicine and technology? Assuming that the human race is on the verge of extinction why THE HELL would you go and slaughter your own race into self-eradication?

The only reason Perpetually Pissed gives that kind of makes sense is that ‘You are invaders’

See, now THAT I can buy as a legitimate reason for retaliation except…they didn’t even wait to see what the People From Space would do, didn’t talk to them, or watch them, or try to initiate any sort of peaceful contact, they just went and attempted to kill one for the hell of it. And actually have killed quite a few since then while the Teens have captured one of them and let him live.

Bad Plot Holes piss me off.

Did you think that Blondie would make friends with the Grounders? You poor na├»ve sap, you. As the two hash out their ‘differences’ Blondie’s back-up group is scouting the area through the sight on the guns. Jasper finds there are three Grounders in a tree getting ready to feather Blondie with a dozen arrows. Our brave gangly stork runs screaming out of the bushes firing random bullets shouting for Blondie to get down.

Well, that escalated quickly. Guns win over Arrows and Perpetually Pissed skedaddles off into the sunset/heavily wooded forest but not before putting an arrow into Silent Dude. Seems like camaraderie was lost in the Apocalypse as well.

Okay, NOW they are at war.

Back in Space, things aren’t going so well either; Doctor Mama refused to join the Dark Side and gets zapped in response. Evil Overlord is doing his damndest to get the bay doors open and the Previous Counselor one-ups him by telling everybody the truth about the drop ship; only seven hundred people out of the thousands that live on the Mother Ship are going to survive and the Evil Overlord was going to let them die.

THAT threw a wrench in the works. Evil Overlord is betrayed by angry workers, the doors slam shut and the drop ship takes off – knocking the entire Mother Ship offline (how that works exactly is a mystery – who the fuck wires their life support system to a drop ship so that when said drop ship rips away from the mother ship prematurely it knocks out all life support?)

Back on Earth the teens have a giant lovers spat and everybody is pissed at everybody else. Finn is Disappointed in Blondie for having self-preservation and says (whines, really) ‘You didn’t have to trust the Grounders not to attack, you just had to trust me.’

WHHHAAAATTT THE FUUUUUUUUCCKKKK.

If she trusted Finn THEY WOULD ALL BE DEAD. HOLY FUCK I DISLIKE FINN WITH THE BURNING DISTASTE OF A THOUSAND SUNS.

We end this episode with, what’s that! In the sky! It’s the drop ship – but wait, it’s coming in too fast. Oh, crap it just crashed. So much for modern technology; apparently there isn’t one ship that exists in this world that can make a safe landing without killing a bunch of people.

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