Monday, April 21, 2014

The 100 Episode Five Recap

Previously on Will They or Won’t They Find a Working Radio

The world ended and now the fate of humanity is in the hands of teenagers. We found out what sort of justice system exists on Earth Below, which is to say, there is no justice system. Bellamy’s Hyena was tossed out, Wells died, the henchmen died and now Charlotte died (also the two idiots from the first episode but we don’t count them, I guess) and Raven took off for Earth Below.

Episode Five: Twilight’s Last Gleaming

We left off with everybody getting their sexy times on and apparently not caring that there is no medical staff, or midwife or anybody who has the remotest idea of how to deliver a baby safely but screw it! Sexy times!

Finn and Blondie have mushy stupid dialogue or rather, Blondie is sweet and Finn is a jackass who finds it appropriate to use the ‘well, you were a convenient hole’ line in the aftermath of sex. Mmmm, romance.

Back in Space everybody is experiencing the effects of the lack of oxygen, Doctor Mama gets a reprieve to ‘help’ patients even though there is nothing you CAN do to heal oxygen deprivation. The natives are getting restless and remain fucking clueless even though there are some pretty big flashing neon red signs saying DOOM!!

The Council has decided to go forth with the mass genocide plan and in 12 hours a whole lotta people are gonna die.

In between Earth and Space, Raven gets ready to plunge through the atmosphere. Here’s hoping that hunk of rust can make it.

Back on Earth, the Lovers emerge from their underground hideaway and Blondie is wearing a century old shirt (which, what? Someone please explain why it isn’t deteriorated beyond use because textiles, alongside paper, would be the FIRST thing to degrade through the passage of time)

Bla, bla, bla – sappy romance, more soggy dialogue - look! In the sky! Is it a star? Is it an alien? It’s a Raven! Falling to earth in a glorious if fiery fashion. Well, the Lovers aren’t the only ones who saw the trail of glowing fire in the sky; Bellamy is roused from his threesome funtimes to shrieks of, ‘Da Plane, boss, da plane!’ or rather everybody wondering if the Overlords Above has sent food or supplies. Or shampoo.

If you recall in previous episodes Bellamy shot the high supreme Councilor (Evil Overlord) and still doesn’t know that Evil Overlord survived (and made a miraculously fast recovery given he was shot in the stomach). Bellamy’s past is about to come back to bite him in the ass unless he gets to Raven first. Blondie and Finn come back to camp to realize that Bellamy did the runner and realize that he means to go after the radio to destroy it. Bellamy and Octavia have a sibling moment as Bellamy confesses to attempting to murder the Evil Overlord. Damn, E.O. how many people HAVE you floated? The B & O siblings mother join the ranks of Dead in Space.

Back in Space, plan Population Reduction *snort* is in full effect but with a caveat; the Evil Overlord decides to include himself in the victims, giving over the reins to the Evil Overlord in Training – Counselor Kane, a nefarious sounding name if I ever heard one.

This brilliant plan of action will put the zero sentiment puppy kicker in charge and ‘do what needs be done’. Sounds solid, nothing could go wrong with that AT ALL.

This would all be solved if someone #Q$)(*&@&!$ just found a radio already but then what would we do without all the WILL THEY WON’T THEY tension the last five episodes have been building.

So on that note Bellamy finds the damaged ship, Raven unconscious then rips out the radio and tosses it into the river.

The Lovers arrive too late to save the radio but find a still alive Raven who digs Earth.

Did you think that we were free from Love Triangles? You thought too soon; guess who the boyfriend is whom Raven has risked everything for? You guess it, dopey Finn who is enveloped in a bloody hug and kiss from his Space girlfriend while his Earth girlfriend watches with an expression that suggests she’s about to throw up while they murmur, ‘I WUV YOU, NO I WUV YOU MORE’. Awkward.

I find it curious that even so far in the future there is no mention or show of homosexuality or polygamy or any other alternate type relationship other than good old hetero sex. Well, with the exception of Bellamy’s little harem but even that falls under bullshit male fantasy of being powerful and having as many bitches as you want at any given time. Next thing you know he’s going to slap them on the ass and ask for a sandwich.

Considering the circumstances (that the human race is seriously decimated and maybe only a few thousand are left) you would think that stances on straight monogamous sex would change a little. But that would be a little too interesting for the CW writers now wouldn’t it?

Back in Space Doc Mama nails the Evil Overlord with ‘you’re a coward and your copping out of your duty AND you’re leaving the puppy kicker sociopath in charge’ speech and promptly turn-heel flounces her way out leaving him to think over his decision.

Octavia falls down a hill.

Blondie catches up with Bellamy who learns, yay! he’s not a murderer AND he tossed away the only chance to save hundreds of people from Death in Space.

Back in Space Doctor Mama decides to play her late husband’s farewell speech to the passengers of the Mother Ship in a hilariously ironic twist meaning that she killed him for nothing. Whoops.

Raven has an idea that maybe instead of trying to get a radio working all they need to do is shoot a bunch of rockets into space with the hope that someone Up There will see them. Glad to see suspension of disbelief is in full effect.

Back in Space humans act unnaturally and calmly line up to die. No rioting was had thanks to the late Blondie daddy, because he appealed to their humanity. Yeah, that would TOTALLY work in real life.

Back on Earth the teens work furiously to let the Mother Ship know that they are alive and earth is (mostly) livable. Will they make it in time!?

No gingers in space, time to die blue collar worker.

The Evil Overlord overturns his death wish decision because ‘you inspired them which in turn inspired me, so I am inspired to keep living’ or something.

Will they.


Won’t they.

They won’t. Well, shit. Three hundred plus expendables just got expended. Which brings up the question do bodies decompose in zero oxygen space? Or are they just releasing a bunch of corpses to float for all eternity in the vacuum, and for that matter what about all the other people ‘floated’? Things to think about.

Remember Octavia who fell down a hill and hit her head? Well, she woke up to this.

Back in Space, Doctor Mama and Evil Overlord aren’t too happy about the days events and stare up through the porthole (?) window (?) glumly to see…. the rockets that were set off earlier by Earth Below. I know we’re supposed to be happy about this but I just get an overwhelming feeling of Too Little, Too Late. Yeah, NOW we see the rockets.


  1. Bodies in a vacuum distort and compress somewhat, but do not decompose. They float for all eternity and pose a hazard for all space travel. But this is only the third reason why spacing people is the last thing you want to do. The first is, y'know, horrible murder is wrong. The second is that you're throwing away nutrients that you can't get back. Hello, ever heard of a closed system? Those bodies should be recycled into soil to grow the colony's food and make its oxygen.

    The 100 = less scientific than Waterworld.

    So I guess this show aims to keep you watching out of morbid curiosity to see who survives 'til the end. Hey, it works for Game of Thrones! I rather prefer shows that keep you watching by having characters you care about and funny moments and generally being a source of delight to the viewer. Like Doctor Who.

  2. The More You Know. Now I'm seeing Bodies in Space, floating around like jetsam in the ocean. Gross.